Archive for April, 2008

If Movies were real…

Monday, April 28th, 2008

… then Robocop would be an utter waste of tax-payers’ money

by Richy Davies

The thing about technology is that essentially it is shit. It is utterly unreliable and usually makes a point to stop working at a critical moment. Machines are notorious pains in the arse, and so are people for that matter. Robocop is half man and half machine. Worse still, he’s half Irish-man, half machine. Try to imagine if Windows Vista carried a semi-automatic hand cannon and was powered by a dead Irish-man who isn’t particularly pleased about being deceased.

You are imagining Robocop.

Despite being bullet proof, Robocop was not much better than any normal cop, and he was prone to rust. The cost of running and feeding Robocop could probably have paid the salaries of another 20 cops. That’s an entire department.

Review – Lars and the Real Girl (2007)

Monday, April 28th, 2008

by Puptentacle

Lars (Ryan Gosling) is lonely and emotionally distant. He works a nondescript office job and lives in a converted garage on the grounds of the house he and his brother own. As he doesn’t seek the company of others and recoils from human contact, his brother and sister-in-law are surprised to hear about Bianca, a new lady in Lars’ life. Perhaps more surprising is that she’s an inflatable “Real Girl” ordered online, and that Lars is unshakable in his conviction that they are in love. Naturally, concerns for Lars’ mental health are raised at this point. The local doctor in this Northern Canadian town diagnoses Lars as delusional, but harmless. She recommends that his family allow him to work through his emotional issues by accepting Bianca as he sees her.

The Incredible Hulk Poster

Monday, April 28th, 2008

Here’s the first official poster for ‘big-green-smashy-smash fest’ starring serious actors.

Up front there, we have Edward Norton doing the classic ‘sad-walking away’ look that any fans of the 80s Incredible Hulk TV show will know well (cue sad piano plonking)

And then behind Mr. Norton is Bruce Banner’s alter ego, the titular Hulk himself; looking very much like he’s in an ad for Levis. Or the front cover of ‘Men’s Health.’

Overall, this is a cool, effective one-sheet for a film that will have to battle hard for a place amongst fellow superheroes IronMan, BatMan and Archaeologist Man (you know who).

Click left for a larger look

Review – Pathology (2008)

Monday, April 28th, 2008

Cathy Cullen

The plot of this film is as basic as it is awful. Which is very. Ted Grey moves to a new town to study pathology. He seems to be a nice enough guy, hard-working, loving fiancée, etc. He’s a brilliantly talented doctor (of course), with a great life planned out for himself. However, within about ten minutes Ted becomes seduced by the ‘it’ crowd of med students in his class, lead by Jake Gallows. He quickly becomes a murderous, lust driven drug addict who kills for kicks. Pornographically violent scenes ensue.

Stardust (2007)

Saturday, April 26th, 2008

movie_review_stardust_poster.jpgStardust is a fantasy tale and a love story about the adventures of a young man called Tristan Thorn (Charlie Cox) and the people he encounters. Tristan lives in the town of Wall and is in love with a girl named Victoria, the town’s greatest beauty. He is not having much success at winning over her heart though, as she seems to be saving her affections for whichever suitor can bring her the best and most expensive presents. The crux of the film starts when Tristan and Victoria see a star falling to earth in the distance, and Tristan promises to bring her back the star in order to win her hand in marriage. To get to the star though, Tristan has to cross the wall that divides his town from a parallel universe called Stormhold and enter this other realm. (more…)

Juno (2007)

Friday, April 18th, 2008

juno-poster.jpgRight behind Gone Baby Gone, this would have to be my second favorite film last year. Juno, starring Ellen Page as the title character, as well as Michael Cera, Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner, is a wonderful comedy that hits the right spot on the intelligent meter, avoiding the pretentious border. The acting, writing and directing—the fundamentals of a good film—all come together. (more…)

When Celebrities Blog

Monday, April 14th, 2008


At least she has a sense of humor!

We actually like Shanna Moakler. We just like making fun of her more!

The [fill in whatever it is she does] just posted the following on her blog:

"Dear Diary (part 1)
Current mood: horny

Dear Diary

It's 7pm and I just woke up. I kicked all the 18 yr old boys out of my bed and I immediatley called my bff perez and gave him all the juice…I was in an extra man eating mood so i started off fucking the UCLA football team… sadly none of them had girlfriends, or fiances or wives, so I knew they wouldn't fill my void… before i could go anywhere i had to get my drink on.. so after 10 shots of patron, a bottle of everclear, i was getting warmed up.. how will I ever be taken seriously if I don't get a DUI and my crotch shot, fuck I've been trying for months now! I called the paps and let them know the kids were gone for the weekend and I was ready to get my cougar on! meet me at the bar and have the cameras ready…I have to say it was a slow night…the only dude worth talking to was 25 but fuck it…he had a bag full of blow and we laid it out on the table… who needs to go in and out of the bathroom when your as hot as me! bathrooms are for rookies! after numbing all my guilt and insecurities away i sure and hell didn't feel like i was getting the attention i deserved..I mean have you gone to I will never catch up to my idols this way! I had to hook up with at LEAST 6 more dudes to meet my quota! who knew whoring, gold digging, and breaking into porn….I mean making a "stolen" sex tape! would be so hard! fuck it! it was my night to party! I fell on my face a couple times but i made it to the top of the bar where after a couple irish car bombs i danced to the beat in my own head….I knew i was one step closer to my dream. I blacked out a couple times driving home and I think I may have hit a deer but still no DUI. the night was a bust…I guess ill go back to bed. love and kisses

[Image via Buzz Foto.]

We’d Be Smiling Like We Were Eating Rainbows Too, If…

Monday, April 14th, 2008


If we were Josh Kelley, we'd be a little worried!

The musician's new bride, Katherine Heigl, was seen with a shit-eating grin on her face while joking in between takes with one of the hottest men out there, Gerard Butler, on Monday.

The pair are working on a new film together, The Ugly Truth, in Los Angeles and it's so nice to see Katherine NOT smoking!

[Image via Pacific Coast News Online.]

DVD Review: Cloverfield

Monday, April 14th, 2008

Despite the Internet hype, Cloverfield is short on plot, fear, and terror.
With an aggressive marketing campaign, Cloverfield was poised to make a splash on the theatrical scene. Like The Blair Witch Project and Snakes On A Plane before it, the buzz started in earnest on the Internet. For awhile, the film was simply known as 1-18-08 in cyberspace; clues, theories, and plot points were showing up on web sites and being…

Is She Pregnant?????

Monday, April 14th, 2008


Faith Hill showed up to the 2008 CMT Awards in Nashville on Monday that wearing that monstrosity.

It's like a garbage bag on top, only worse - cuz she wore it in public, to an awards show!

There must be some reason behind that crime of fashion, right????

Maybe she's pregnant?????

Faith is sporting a bit of a double chin as well.

And, this past weekend, she was also wearing a very flow-y top at an event in New Orleans (see below).

Maybe she's trying to cover up a baby bump!

That, or she just needs to hire a new stylist!

P.S. Are those the SAME pants????


[Photos via Getty Images.]