Jamie Spears, father of Britney and Jamie Lynn, did not spend Christmas this year with his pregnant teenage daughter and ex-wife Lynne. He’s pissed that Lynne is profiting from Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy by selling photo rights to OK! Magazine for $1 million. Us Magazine reports:

"He doesn't get a dime from his daughters," the source says. "He busts his ass to take care of himself. That's why he's so furious with Lynne."
Usmagazine.com reported last week, per a source close to the family, that Jamie "refused to take any money and 'profit off of his children.'"

There’s not much profit of any kind to be made off Britney these days. She probably won’t even give you some of her Frappucino. I heard the last person who asked for a sip was found dead in a dumpster. The cops are pretty sure they can trace the pink wig hairs to Britney, but not until they modify their riot shields to deflect “cooch acid.” That’s a technical term used in the field. Seriously, I heard it on C.S.I. once.

Mischa Barton was arrested today for DUI, possession of narcotics and driving with a suspended license, according to TMZ:

The former "O.C." star was pulled over early this morning around 2:45 AM as she was driving in West Hollywood, Calif., and is still in custody, being held on $10,000 bail.

That’s bad. But not as bad as these photos of Mischa Barton unveiling the new line of Keds sneakers. I had no idea her career was that far in the toilet. After looking at these, I'm pretty much convinced her agent is a ham sandwich.

Fergie and Josh Duhamel got engaged sometime over the Christmas weekend. Their reps won’t confirm the exact date, but they say the two are officially getting married. E! News reports:

The proposal comes after Fergie told Blender earlier this month that she was in no real rush to get engaged because she and Duhamel were "practically married, anyway."
"I'm madly in love with him," she said of her now fiancé. "He understands how to treat a woman and give me respect."

It’s official: Josh Duhamel hates his penis. This makes the tattoo on my chest no longer a random sentence that mysteriously appeared after a night of malt liquor. I can proudly go shirtless to family gatherings. Who’s the loser now, dad?

Tiffany Pollard the star of VH1’s I Love New York is engaged to the season two winner George Weisgerber (a.k.a. Tailor Made). Tailor Made originally proposed to New York on the season finale, but she turned him down only to choose him as her true love in the final elimination. She decided after a second proposal to say “yes,” according to People:

Weisgerber, who was separated while taping the show and is currently finalizing his divorce, admits he “always had a crush” on Pollard, and thought it fate when casting for season two began. “She needs a guy who will treat her right and respects her and values her for who she is, he told PEOPLE recently. “Our personalities complete each other. I cherish her and want to cater to her every need. But I’m not a doormat. We have a good balance.”

Considering this gossip is based on a reality show, I question its entire validity. In fact, I’m convinced that New York is really a Muppet. You’d think they’d at least make her super-hot like Miss Piggy. God, I’d do things to that pig. If only that puppeteer’s arm wasn’t always in my way…

Paris Hilton’s grandfather Barron Hilton has promised 97% of his $2.3 billion wealth to charity which includes his net worth and various trusts. Barron wants to see his money used for good after his passing and not have it wasted on Paris. Reuters reports:

Jerry Oppenheimer, who profiled the Hilton family in his 2006 book "House of Hilton," has said Barron Hilton is embarrassed by the behaviour of his socialite granddaughter Paris and believes it has sullied the family name.

If I was Barron Hilton and I really wanted to make the world a better place, I’d use my vast wealth to finance the construction of a time machine. I’d travel 27 years into the past and push Paris’ pregnant mother down a flight of stairs. (Don’t worry. I’d give her a helmet.) Afterwards, I’d probably go even further back in time and meet Jesus so he could give me a well-deserved high-five. Then we’d get wasted and hunt dinosaurs with lasers I stole from the future.