The Ocean's series are perfect summer movies. Say what you will about the second (I didn't care for it in the theater, but it has grown on me significantly via cable viewings), but all three do exactly what they are intended to do and more: they are mindless popcorn flicks that entertain without insulting your intelligence.

Sure, there are unbelievable scams here and there, but the sheer volume of characters (and their respective talents) make most of it believable. Also, with a strong, confident director, and capable writers, you never feel like you're being left out to dry.

Without saying too much (the trailer has said plenty already), the scam this time involves getting revenge on another casino owner, this time played by Al Pacino, who brings a lot to the acting table, and thankfully spares us the now-clichéd "Hoo-ah!" speech that he's become known for ever since Scent of a Woman (a rejuvenated Ellen Barkin is also on board, as Pacino's right-hand woman).

Notably (and thankfully, I think) absent are Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones, as their characters are apparently stuck in Europe or something, while the whole gang ends up back in Vegas. More so than in the first, the return to and of Vegas is a running theme, and it adds a deeper meaning to the film that was absent previously.

Along the way, many loose ends are tied up, many old friends show up, new characters introduced (most notably the nebbishy David Paymer as a hotel reviewer, as well as a Super Dave Osborne appearance), some great cameos, a number of in-jokes, and a whole lot of disguises. Among the most impressive scams Soberberg pulls off is the inclusion of a fabricated grand hotel right smack dab in the middle of the strip – and it's not like it's just one CGI shot; there are numerous shots from various angles.

All that said, the best and most important things I can say about Ocean's Thirteen are that a) I had a smile on my face the entire time (excluding the first 15 minutes, when a gaggle of teenage comedians sitting in front of us decided to use the theater as an improv class, to poor results), and b) it made me want to get on the next plane to Las Vegas. Perhaps Clooney and the gang should be getting residuals from the Bellagio. Talk about free advertising.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"It's in the hole!" (**** out of *****)

* Oh, and by the way: I was wondeing the other day who the "13th" person was that would make the title complete. Though they never reference it in the movie, it's safe to say that it's Eddie Izzard – his role gets a bit bigger here, and more than just being a "vendor" as he was before, he actually takes an active role in the scam. So that's that.

* Fun fact time: Super Dave Osborne aka Bob Einstein is Albert Brooks' brother. Yes, Albert Brooks' real name is Albert Einstein.

Fletch writes (hopefully) humorous and informative movie reviews and other pop culture commentary for Blog Cabins. He is also the inventor of the highly innovative and wildly effective Fletch Film Rating Scale.

(Part 1, pt 3)

What could be categorized as a work of cooperative fan fiction, The Animatrix is an exquisite homage to the story crafted by the Wachowski brothers. They actually wrote four shorts of the nine piece collection, but all of the segments were directed not by the Wachowskis, but by revered masters of the anime world. Because The Animatrix debuted only a month after the first sequel, The Matrix Reloaded, much of its meaning was not clear. Now, that Reloaded and Revolutions have been available for several years; Animatrix absolutely deserves a second viewing. The only downfall is that it is not in high definition, but it is some damn fine work

Here’s a look at a few:

The Final Flight of the Osiris

If anyone had doubts about whether they should spend their time on something so often perceived as trivial as anime – then they need to be indoctrinated by something of the quality of Final Flight of the Osiris. Done in photorealistic CGI animation; Osiris is a very pretty bit of filmmaking. And who would expect that even the sound would have such a big picture feel. Andy Jones, probably one of the more recognized names to a mainstream audience, directed this gem.

The Second Renaissance – Part I

The look is more like ‘old fashioned’ animation, but the music and story of course – is much edgier. The basic premise is familiar, similar to I Robot, with hundreds of automated humanoids but it quickly depicts man’s inhumanity to man, or in this case…machine. Scenes that invoke various historical wartime atrocities: the My Lai Massacre, Tiananmen Square, or Auschwitz, triggers guilt over what horrors we are capable of committing.

1. The Second Renaissance – Part II

The story of 01- the early Machine City, and the continuation of a ‘prequel’ to The Matrix. This short tells of the final battle between man and machine, how man scorched the sky to retaliate against the machines, and how the machines pretty much took over the world.

2. Kid’s Story

Not my favorite segment but still interesting, it’s the back story of the young man that Neo refers to as “Kid” in Matrix Reloaded. We learn why he’s so annoyingly, yet endearingly devoted to Neo.

Detective Story

Noir Anime. Pretty funky.

Matriculated

This is the trippiest of all, the visuals are far-out but gorgeous. The animation style is hard to define, part photo-realism CGI, and part regular drawing. Some Matrix-free type folks find and rehabilitate machines. They actually jack-in these machines to the Matrix, and run a sort of indoctrination program to show the machines that Man can be their friend. As a group is working this program in a newly found machine, Sentinels (Squiddies) attack this human stronghold, and though most of the humans are killed, the newly rehabbed machine fights to defend them.

Again, this nine piece work is definitely worth seeing, but it’s a shame that it was not released in HD. Let’s hope when it does, that the price for a high def disc will have come down.

(Part 2, pt 3)

In the first installment of this trilogy, The Matrix, Neo takes the red pill and descends Alice’s rabbit hole. But it’s an intriguing paradox that the Wachowskis use a mirror or looking glass to show the real beginning of his journey. Like Alice, we all go down the rabbit hole to Wonderland simply by watching The Matrix. We then choose immersion via her Looking Glass by seeing The Matrix Reloaded or The Matrix Revolutions.

When Morpheus tells Neo that the Matrix is “the world pulled over our eyes,” he could very well be describing the movie itself. The entity that the Matrix Trilogy has evolved into is not a fraudulent cover up however. It is a world that an eager audience has willingly drawn down and around them, the mantle of questions, of enlightenment, the shroud of a thought experiment of vast scale.

And The Ultimate Matrix Collection too, provides deep exploration into a world that cannot be explained, it must be shown. With 35 hours of extras, plus the three films, this set is a massive compilation of behind-the-scenes technical goodies, background information on the actors and their work on the three films, and of course, some naval-gazing and New Age philosophizing.

And so, here’s a brief bit of summary and random reactions and observations on the Trilogy.

The Matrix (Disc One)

I’ve always maintained that The Matrix was, at the very least, a visually stunning project. Now it’s captivating and wondrous in other ways as well, but since this is a review of a high definition product, then we must start with appearances. For example, the use of the green tint inside the Matrix was mainly used to symbolize the color of old computer monitors and screens, but it also brings such texture. The addition of 1080p HD technology just cranks this up to a new level. The scene that made bullet-time famous – Trinity suspended in the air, all black suited whoop-ass splendor – is even more jaw-dropping.

It doesn’t stop. Other scenes that were fairly gorgeous anyway are just that much better. When Neo waits to meet Morpheus, he stands under a bridge during a rainstorm. HD makes the rainfall absolutely glorious. And the dojo training fight between Neo and Morpheus is fantastic. The whole damn thing is luscious from the get-go.

The audio is enhanced as well. This set has Dolby TrueHD: English 5.1 and Dolby Digital Plus: English 5.1 and you can hear the difference. When Neo and Trinity come to rescue Morpheus from the Agents, they shoot up the lobby of the building where their leader is held. You’ve got bullet casings falling, column supports being eaten away by gunfire and the sound is incredible.

Observations:

• I’ll delve deeper in to symbols and themes in a subsequent post, but one thing I just noticed for the first time was when Neo was first freed from the Matrix. As Morpheus and the crew re-worked his atrophied muscles, he wore a simple loin cloth, just like Jesus. But in Neo’s case, he was being reborn, rather than preparing for crucifixion.

• Hugo Weaving rocks, his brilliance would come through no matter what definition he is rendered in.

• I never get tired of Neo and Morpheus in the Dojo Training Construct. Never.

The Matrix Reloaded (Disc Two)

Observations:

• Ah, the Burly Brawl – one of my favorite scenes. The crows sound like tigers. It’s a bit chilling, and a lot of awesome. The courtyard – how could something so decrepit look so lovely?

• And the fight in the chateau’s Great Hall – HD shows off the gloss of the marble floor perfectly. Yum.

• The Freeway Scene is still just as long, maybe a little too long, but otherwise it’s augmented nicely in HD.

• Once more we are reminded of the Wachowskis’ penchant for long winded monologues. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But when we meet The Architect (Helmut Bakaitis) we, or maybe it was just me, are left feeling like the frustrated man in the old hearing aid commercial, “What did he say?” The precision and locution of The Architect’s dialogue had me staring in bewildered admiration. Like the rest of the trilogy, I understood more after multiple viewings.

The Matrix Revolutions (Disc Three)

• One of the big questions posed at the beginning of Revolutions is – how the heck is Neo in the Matrix – when he’s not jacked in. I was not aware that this was even an issue when I initially watched the third sequel. Apparently Neo himself isn’t aware of the significance of this conundrum; he just keeps wandering around the train stop for Mobil Avenue – which, by the way, looks wonderfully crisp and clean. Oh, and what happens when you rearrange the letters in Mobil?

• Because Neo is stuck in Matrix Limbo, Neo and Trinity need to contact someone named The Trainman to get him out. Of course, guess who they need to go through? Of course, the Merovingian. Accompanied by Seraph, they pay a visit to the Merovingian’s Hel Club. I’d forgotten about the shootout in the parking garage the way that the bouncers/enforcers walk on the ceiling. Very cool. But why does the Merovingian refer to Seraph as a "little Judas"?

• The Mexican standoff scene is funny, especially considering that everyone was supposed to have checked their weapons before entering the club.

• Poor Mifune, he really takes a beating during the fight in Zion’s Dock. It’s amazing that he can even get his final words out to Kid.

• The final showdown between Neo and Smith is intense in its stylized fighting sequences and special effects. I read somewhere that when they are fighting in the air, swirling about, their outlines create a yin-yang effect. Nice imagery, as the two have been intertwined since the beginning of The Matrix.

There are lots and lots and lots more to this Ultimate Matrix Collection in HD DVD, stay tuned for Part 2.

With the growing acceptability for finding love through online dating, personal ads, and many other forms of outside help, it is no surprise that a television show about a professional matchmaker would soon be in the works. Enter the A&E Network and their new show, Confessions of a Matchmaker.

The unscripted, half-hour series follows Patti Novak and her all-in-the-family-team in the wilds of Buffalo, New York as they set about finding perfect matches for their many clients. It is surprising, and more than a little encouraging, to see Novak making her matches not through cold and clinical computer programs (á la eHarmony), but by sitting down with each file and going with her years of tested experience and, believe it or not, her gut.

In the first episode we meet Charlie, a former Mr. Nude Universe who has deplorable and disgusting table manners, and Ashley, a barely-out-of-college woman who tans too much and wears inches of make-up. Novak ushers them through a harsh reality check (“That’s disgusting,” she admonishes Charlie at a mock dinner), pre-date advice, and reports from their respective dates.

The singles depicted are to be either congratulated or committed for their willingness to have their experiences taped, but these stories do make for interesting television – even if it is at times physically uncomfortable to watch. While witnessing Ashley drink her way through a disaster of a first date is cringe-worthy, seeing Charlie power-walk in the mall is both accessible and endearing.

The crux of the show, though, is Novak’s candid honesty. She pulls no punches and spares no feelings. It is also what makes this quality reality television. She manages to walk the infinitely fine line between sincerity and cruelty. With such insights into her clients’ lives it is no wonder she has a fantastic track record as a matchmaker.

An engaging narrator, Patti Novak will worm her way quickly into the hearts of reality television fans everywhere. And for those of them who are single…well, they just might learn a thing or two.

Confessions of a Matchmaker premiers on Saturday, June 16th with back to back episodes at 10:00 and 10:30pm.

What do you get when you mix action director Cory Yuen’s kinetic style with Eric Roberts, Jamie Pressly, Kane Kosugi, that goober from Reba McEntire’s oddly addicting sitcom, and a gaggle of wannabe martial artists in pretty little thongs?

Why, you get something along the lines of DOA: Dead or Alive, of course! In case you’re not into the whole nerd-addled video game scene, this snazzy yet impossibly retarded little flick is based on the pixilated franchise of the same name, which ultimately boils down to a series of tournament fights featuring lots of well-endowed beauties beating each other into glorious submission. You know you want to play it.

Go on — admit it.

As your perverted mind can probably imagine, this cinematic adaptation isn’t exactly a deep, meaningful experience you can share with your entire underdeveloped family. Though I’m not a fan of tournament movies by any means — I can barely sit through Bloodsport — DOA somehow managed to keep me watching until the very end. Since the story boils down to a handful of women with their own personal agendas venturing to some exotic island to throw-down with a cast of colorful characters, it definitely wasn’t the plot that kept me intrigued. Imagine that.

So was it the witty dialog that kept me glued to the screen? The deep characterization? Or perhaps it was the plethora of butt shots inspired by the randy source material? Sorry, Charlie. None of those. The only reason I decided to sally forth until the film’s extravagant conclusion was due to the presence of Corey Yuen, an absurdist Hong Kong director who has kept me coming back for more since witnessing the outrageous stupidity contained within the Jet Li opus High Risk, also known as Meltdown here in the States. Yes, dear readers, I’m that kind of geek.

Since the script is barely a paragraph long and the plot is lost at sea without hope of survival, the only thing you’re here for is either the action or the ass, though you might be able to claim both on your 2007 tax returns next year. And while there are a jagged pieces of a story buried deep within the gloss — something about a blonde thief and her bozo boyfriend scheming to steal the prize money, a vengeful princess looking for her brother, and a female wrestler desperate to prove her worth — I’m almost positive you won’t care too much about it. Trust me on this one.

Yuen, in his infinite wisdom, has smartly sliced this picture down to the bare essentials. The whole things runs at a brisk 87 minutes, leaving little room for a full-blown narrative to live and breathe and take root. Which is good, I guess, considering an engaging storyline has never been the director’s strong point. Yuen is much better at lensing stylishly choreographed fight sequences, and while it’s not the director’s strongest effort by any stretch of the imagination, DOA does showcase some lofty kung fu insanity that will surely those searching for a cheap visceral thrill. However, martial arts purists will probably balk at the constant use of wires and CGI, not to mention Yuen’s decision to completely waste what could have been his ace in the hole.

Which brings me to Kane Kosugi.

This guy is a monster. I became an instant fan after experiencing the empty yet enjoyable action-packed thriller Blood Heat last year. In fact, DOA’s most satisfying fight involves Kosugi’s infiltration of Eric Roberts’ techno-tinged headquarters, which finds the nimble fighter battling a series of hapless goons as he gradually works his way up a flight of stairs. It’s no Tom Yum Goong, mind you, but it’s still an impressive sequence nonetheless. It’s a shame his screen time is so limited. Had he been born with sizable breasts and a tight round ass, I doubt this would have been an issue.

To be fair, Jamie Pressly does have a few adrenaline-pumping moments of her own, especially during the film’s grand finale which finds our adorable four kung fu cheerleaders battling that mildly deformed troll Eric Roberts, whose spiffy new age sunglasses grant him all of his adversary’s abilities. Did I mention this movie is pretty stupid? I did? Well, it’s a point that should be driven into your thick skull like a wooden stake; expecting anything worthwhile would just be silly. Of course, fans of Holly Valance, Sarah Carter, and Devon Aoki won’t notice the lack of intelligence in the picture. More than likely, most people who investigate this title will have their hands full with other, er, things.

All joking aside, DOA: Dead or Alive is a fun little flick, one that you’ll probably kick yourself repeatedly for enjoying. Just try to stuff your preconceived notions in a cookie jar before sitting down with it and all should be right with the world. Seriously! As an action picture, it’s occasionally fierce, sporadically funny, and thoroughly entertaining. As long as you can stomach a few dodgy scenes that require our juicy collection of eye candy — both male and female — to actually hold conversations with one another, I think you’ll be surprised by how much you like it.

And if your significant other starts running his or her mouth about the film’s reliance on scantily-clad women fighting in the nude, in the rain, and with hardly anything covering their wobbly bits, just tell them that you’re here for the kung fu, thank you very much. After all, we’re here for the martial arts madness, right?

Right?

Season 2, Episode 1: Aired on June 11, 2007

Part 2 (Pt 1)

Welcome back! Let's get this bitch started.

Bill and Barb on the phone. He tells her that he hasn’t been liking how the neighbors (Pam and Carl) have been looking at them. So, he made dinner plans! Barb is as confused with this plan as we are. But Bill talks right over her concerns, telling her that he understands that she’s embarrassed and that she’s “been humbled.”

Barb gets this look on her face like, “Oh no he didn’t!” And, seriously. It’s not like she’s a polygamist all on her own and it’s not like it’s all her fault that they got exposed. “Humbled” my ass.

“Do I have a choice?” she asks him. “Of course,” he says, “but it would sure please me if you would just say, ‘On it!’” Oh, Bill, you ass. I hate it how he says one thing and then completely negates it with his next sentence. He does shit like that a lot and it makes it really hard for me to like him.

Barb says she doesn’t think she can do it, which should be the end of the conversation. But, because she’s talking to Bill, it’s not. He tries to manipulate her into doing it by complimenting her on how good she is with people. Barb finally puts her foot down and just says she can’t and hangs up.

Margie, who has been in the background doing chores this whole time, admits that she believes it was Pam and Carl who exposed them. Barb seems shocked.

Margie unsteadily gets through her confession, clearly upset and guilty and a whole mess of other things. “So, Pam knew that … Nicki was a polygamist. And I defended Nicki and that made her suspect me and then, I guess, you.” She pauses and looks like she’s about to burst into tears. “And … I think it’s all my fault.” Barb tells her that she’s sure that’s not true. Can I just say? Ginnifer totally kicked that scene’s ass.

Barb is swimming again. Much more intensely this time, though. In fact, she appears to be swimming as much as she can without coming up for air, which is slightly worrisome. Nicki watches her from the window and gets this look on her face. I don’t know what it means, but it creeped me out. It was kind of an evil look, y’all.

Juniper Creek. Adaleen, Roman’s wife and Nicki’s mother, is watching a news story about a fugitive polygamist, whose name is approximately Orline Abbott. He’s on America’s Most Wanted List for trafficking underage girls over state lines. Roman walks over and bitches about these “stupid, greedy perverts ruining it for the rest of us.” Well, there’s just nothing I can say about that.

Then we cut to a weird scene where there’s this crazy woman outside some assembly hall, screaming about how Roman is the one true Prophet and everything else is sin and crap. I … don’t even know what she’s talking about. Why is she even here? She needs to get off my screen before I start drinking. And it’s not even noon.

We see Joey, Wanda and Lois approaching, so this is apparently Wanda’s hearing. She’s clinging to Joey like a little kid and it’s pretty sad. Lois tells Crazy Lady to shut up. Heh. Lois kicks ass.

Inside, Wanda is standing in front of everyone and Roman is telling her to answer the questions on the questionnaire. Wanda says it was in the morning and she doesn’t recall what Alby was wearing. Why does it matter what he was wearing? Curious minds want to know.

Then, out of nowhere, “LIES!” Joey and Lois jump in their seats. Hee. Alby comes rolling in to the hearing, decked out with the latest trendy wheelchair. For a dead guy, he’s looking pretty good.

As he rolls down the aisle, he babbles about witnesses seeing his truck outside her cabin for 6 hours and then seeing her and Lois driving his truck. Oh noes. Then he gets all smug. “You didn’t know that, did you?”

You know, if Alby wasn’t so creepy, he’d be kinda hot. What? I’m just saying.

Wanda could not care less about Alby and his wheelchair and says she’ll just have to stand by what she’s already said. Alby then stands up and turns to the audience, asking who else was involved in the attempted murder of him. What’s really funny is that behind him, Wanda is all leaning to one side so that she can still get a good view of the Alby Show.

Sister Wife Central. Piano music plays, as Barb does her crossword and tells Nicki that dinner was delicious. Nicki has the decency to say that Margie helped. Barb looks over at her kids and it turns out that Ben is playing the piano. Did we know that he could play? I don’t think we did. Sarah is watching him and Teeny is singing “Hound Dog.” The girl has good taste. And hee.

Elsewhere in the room, Bill is educating his and Nicki’s sons, Wayne and Raymond, about Mormonism. He tries to engage Barb in conversation about visiting the Holy Lands, but she’s too distracted by the fact that she doesn’t think the school wants her to come back and teach.

Bill wants to know if they actually said that, but Barb flat out says she can’t go back there. That Julie woman was at the ceremony and everyone knows. Bill argues with her, which I’m not sure is the best course of action in this particular situation.

Ben chooses this opportunity to approach his mother with the news that he wants to join the Navy, but that he’d need a Congressional recommendation to attend the Naval Academy and like do you think that’d be a problem with you and Dad being big polygamists and everything? I have no idea what he’s smoking, but how could he not realize that this was NOT the time?

Barb brushes him off and goes on to list all the people that could have exposed them: Wendy, the neighbors, Nicki throws out Barb’s sister and Barb shoots back with Nicki’s father, Roman. Of course, no one pays particular attention to that suggestion, even though it makes the most sense. Bill says they’ll knock them down one by one, starting with Pam and Carl, and then he starts back in on the damn dinner. Barb cannot believe the assness of her own husband.

She storms out of the room as the phone rings. Margie answers and she and Nicki follow Bill and Barb.

Bill: This didn’t just happen to you, ok? It happened to all of us.
Barb: I know that!
Bill: And I am trying to make it better for all of us. The life we’ve chosen leads to eternity, but yes, there are consequences.
Barb: We’re not in eternity, Bill. We are here, in Sandy, Utah and I don’t think I can live this life in Sandy, Utah.
(pause)
Barb: You may be our priesthood holder, but I still have a say in what goes on in this house!
Bill: We are going to dinner at the Martins and that’s final.

He goes to get the phone and Barb looks positively scandalized. She barges past Margie and Nicki, who is trying to block her way, and goes upstairs.

That was a great scene, particularly for Jeanne. You can really feel how desperate she’s getting.

On the phone, Joey and Lois panic about Wanda and basically demand that Bill fix it. Lois goes as far as blaming Bill for the whole situation. You know, sometimes I forgive Bill for his assy behavior because he has to put up with this lot.

Bill’s going to send them an actual attorney and basically threaten Roman with the State coming in to Juniper Creek. Lois just doesn’t want to go to jail.

Barb sits in her car for a few moments before starting it up and presumably leaving.

Sister Wife Central. Bill, Marg, Nicki, Wayne and one of the other little boys (no, I don’t know which one) watch TV. The phone rings and Margie gets it. She walks slowly into the living room and hands Teeny, who is sitting on the floor, the phone. She sits down and looking straight ahead, like she’s scared something horrible is going to happen, whispers, “It’s Barb. She’s left.” She’s at Peg and Don’s and she’s not coming home. She needed some space. “From who?” Nicki asks, but by the way her and Margie both look at Bill, I think we know the answer.

Bill tells Teeny to give him the phone and Margie warns him in this hysterical, almost sing-song voice, “She doesn’t want to talk to you.” Nicki takes charge and just grabs the phone from Teeny, which was rude.

Barb: I cannot deal with him tonight, Nicki.
Nicki: Fine. But come back, stay at my house and we’ll just lock the doors and we won’t let him in.

HAH! Only, it’s kind of ruined when she looks at Bill and shakes her head all, “Not really, baby!”

Embry House. Don knocks and Barb turns to look at him. She’s clearly in one of the kids’ bedrooms and – Beaver! Oh, how I’ve missed me some Kyle Gallner. He says he needs his cleats and ducks into his closet to get them. Barb waves awkwardly.

Margie is now on the other phone. “But you’re gonna come back, right?” Margie asks. Nicki piles on with, “You can’t just walk out on this marriage just because you’re mad at Bill. You’re throwing Marg and me out with the bath water. How do you think that makes us feel? Awful! Irrelevant!”

Barb: Good grief, Nicki.

Hee.

Margie leans over and tells Wayne to ask Barb when she’s coming home. “When are you coming home, Mother Barbara?” Hahaha. I love it. But that kid creeps me out with his formalness. No one calls her Barbara. And the whole “mother” and “father” thing squicks me out, too.

Barb knows that was Margie’s doing and calls her on it. She just tells them that this is what she has to do and she hangs up.

Margie and Nicki look at Bill accusingly, but he doesn’t seem worried, telling them to let her have her space.

Now we’re back with the fugitive polygamist story on the news. The police got a tip that seemed credible, but yielded nothing. The family looks concerned.

The next morning, Nicki is making breakfast and no one is talking. Wayne is strangely just kind of hanging on Ben, whose hair, by the way, is substantially longer than last season. It only bothers me because only two weeks is supposed to have passed. They couldn’t have given Douglas Smith a haircut?

Sarah approaches the table and gives Bill a Look. Ben is staring at his dad, too. Wayne asks if there’s vanilla. Vanilla what? Extract? I… don’t know what he’s talking about. The point seems to be that everyone ignores him, including his damn parents, Bill and Nicki. Ben waits to see if any of the grownups are actually going to take care of their children before getting up to go look. I’m not sure what that scene was about. Besides making all three parents look pretty bad, especially Bill and Nicki, given that Margie is preoccupied with one of her own kids. It was just … weird.

Bill’s phone rings and in a nice touch, Sarah immediately looks at him, clearly hoping it’s her mother. It’s not. It’s Lee, the maybe-lawyer. He found a guy at the First Lady’s Office who is willing to ask around and meet with him.

Barb is at a college, registering for classes.

Margie is at the playground, watching her boys just kind of sit there, because they’re really too little to actually play. She has that weird calm thing going on, like when she got the red crayon on Bill’s white suit, then almost blew up her washing machine and then calmly smoked a cigarette and told her boys that they couldn’t live there anymore. I think I see another slow meltdown coming.

She calls Barb, who is still at the college but lies that she’s shopping. Margie tells her that she has a plan, which involves her going over to Pam and Carl’s and making up and finding out what they know. She would apologize for breaking up with Pam.

Barb: Apologize for what?
Margie: I don’t know … because I was wrong.
Barb: Wrong about what?
Margie: You know … I will figure that out.
Barb: Margie, this goes so much deeper and so much further back than just dinner with the neighbors.
Margie: I know! But will you be home tonight?
Barb: No.
Margie: Barb, I don’t know if I can be married to Nicki and Bill if I’m not married to you.

Awwwwww. I love Margene!

Barb just hangs up. Another excellent scene from the two strongest actors on the show, in my opinion. Margie is trying so hard to hold it together, but she desperately needs Barb to come home. Because seriously? Who would want to just be married to Nicki and Bill? Not me! And Barb feels guilty because she loves Margie, but she also needs to do what’s best for her. It’s a difficult situation all around and I applaud the show for making me sympathize with both sides.

Oh my god, we’re only halfway through this damn episode. Part 3 is on the way!

Miss Cordy is a senior at the University of Central Florida in Orlando. She is seeking a double-major in Political Science and Advertising / Public Relations. She has written for her local newspaper, focusing on the world of entertainment — movies and television. Her favorite movies are the Lord of the Rings series and her favorite TV shows are Heroes, Lost, The Amazing Race and Dancing with the Stars.

Growing up in Washington, D.C. in the early 1980s, I was able to witness an incredible moment in punk history first-hand. I fell in love with punk rock as a teenager and began photographing bands like Minor Threat, The Circle Jerks, UK Subs, and Stiff Little Fingers, to name just a few. –Director Susan Dynner

In the mid-nineties, I was in Tower Records Boston with former Bad Religion drummer Bobby Schayer. He pulled out a book about the history of punk and excitedly turned to a page that showed the crowd at a Black Flag gig. “That’s me in the crowd,” Bobby enthused. “I was about 15.” He insisted on buying me the book. I knew I wouldn’t read it though I realized I probably should.

The punk I like is The Clash, Buzzcocks, The Ramones, Green Day, The Offspring, Rancid, Social Distortion, and My Chemical Romance.

Punk, as we know it, celebrates its 30th anniversary, and this film provides the ideal showcase for it. Punk’s Not Dead blasts through the 30-year journey from underground to mainstream. Live concert footage from bands such as The Exploited, GBH, Minor Threat, The Addicts, Fugazi, and UK Subs are interwoven with interviews fomr legendary punkers like Derek O’Brien of Social Distortion, Black Flag’s Henry Rollins, Dead Kennedy’s Jello Biafra, UK Subs, Joe Escalante of The Vandals, The Subhumans, and Bad Religion, to second generation punk rock’s Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day and Dexter Holland of Offspring to the reactionary and defensive third generation punk bands like The God Awfuls, Good Charlotte, Sum 41, and My Chemical Romance. (Of these bands, Newsweek’s music critic Lorraine Ali nails it: “They’re pop and they have some punk trimmings.”).

I’m surprised it took as long as it did with punk. The music was so intense it delayed the inevitable mass embrace. I figured it was going to happen sooner or later because the music was too good. –Jello Biafra, Dead Kennedys

Punk’s Not Dead deftly asks and answers many questions about punk and its influence on our culture. It also leaves plenty to discuss and brood over. There’s the DIY spirit to the Vans Warped Tour. There’s the creation of indie punk labels like Epitaph and Dischord to major label deals for some. When Buzzcocks had hits with songs like “Love Song,” many called sell-out. Steve Diggle of the Buzzcocks said, “Love is still an important thing in the whole scheme of things. We were as political as The Clash and The Pistols in an existential way.”

If you decide ‘I’m the most punk guy in the world and I’m going to have nothing to do with corporate America,’ you’ll have to sit in your house and never go outside. –Jim Lindberg, Pennywise

Documentarian Susan Dynner addresses how punk started, the act or art (however one may interpret it) of “selling out,” and what really defines punk and makes a punk band. Clips from Quincy M.E. (“That music I heard was a killer.”) and a classic Donahue with a pierced, Mohawk-ed teen and his exasperated parent present the fear that punk provided. Then there’s the cool quotient as evidenced by The O.C’s Marissa Cooper spieling off names of bands she listens to (The Cramps, The Ramones) “because she’s angry and a Gilmore Girl explaining the educated punk rockers: “the guy from Bad Religion is getting his PhD in molecular biology from Cornell.”

Those who consider themselves punk have different interpretations. Often there’s even a competition among fans to be as “punk” and DIY (read: sometimes slumming it) as can possibly be. Some bands are that way too. Is it a look or an attitude?

Punk’s Not Dead is a provocative, electric film.

Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek are two of the most beautiful women on the screen today, and they serve up a double helping of South of the Border sex and sizzle in Bandidas. The story is definitely B-grade, but once expectations are properly dialed in, it’s a hoot watching Cruz and Hayek chew up the scenery as they play mismatched and hot-tempered Mexican women of the 1880s who are out for revenge.

Cruz stars as Maria Alvarez, the daughter of a dirt-poor farmer, while Hayek plays spoiled Sara Sandoval, the daughter of the region’s richest man. When they first meet, neither of them like each other. But when Maria’s father is gunned down and left for dead while their farm is taken from them and Sara’s father is murdered in cold blood, they gradually bond for revenge.

Country star Dwight Yoakam stars as the bad guy, Tyler Jackson, whose in charge of getting a railroad ran through the heart of Mexico by whatever means it takes. Sam Shepard plays Bill Buck, a former bank robber who teaches Maria and Sara to rob banks and forge a friendship. Steve Zahn stars as Quentin Cooke, a forerunner in forensic detection that gets caught up in Maria and Sara’s schemes. The film was produced and co-written by Luc Besson, who has headed up several action pictures such as The Professional, The Transporter, and Kiss of the Dragon.

Seeking revenge, Sara and Maria start robbing all the banks Tyler Jackson has taken over. Each of them bring skills to their efforts. Maria has a trick horse that she plays tic-tac-toe with and can talk to. The horse also tells other horses what to do. She’s also a great pistol shot. Sara, though she can simper over a manicure, is also a great planner and can be driven to see things through on a large scale.

Although this film isn’t going to change your life or address any social problems in a meaningful way (although there is a line in the movie that basically says the United States should keep their noses in their own affairs), Bandidas is easy on the eyes and fun to watch. The plot takes predictable turns, but that’s made up by the pacing. You see everything coming, but it happens so quickly that you’re already onto the next thing in record time.

The predictable cat-fighting that goes on between the two leads doesn’t get tiresome because it never takes itself seriously or overstays its welcome. Likewise with the kissing scene (although Steve Zahn must have loved the retakes) where they competed for Quentin Cooke’s attention.

Everything comes comfortably together within ninety minutes, and the movie is a romp that involves sexy clothing, girls fighting, some real fighting, feats of derring-do that involve riding horses up ladders, swinging across courtyards, and blowing up buildings. The dialog is brisk and fun.

Bandidas is a great buddy flick, and maybe even one for a light couples night because there’s enough comedy and action to satisfy everyone.

The Illusionist is a great film filled with enchantment, mystery, and real emotion. Edward Norton delivers a stunning portrayal of Eisenheim, a magician who has captured the attention of audiences throughout Europe with his masterful illusions and sleight-of-hand. Jessica Biel co-stars as Sophie, and Paul Giamatti is an absolute delight as Inspector Uhl.

The movie is narrated by Inspector Uhl throughout, and that device — so much like Sherlock Holmes’s Watson — is at once deceptively trustworthy and likable. Everything we see and hear is filtered through Uhl’s perceptions and own involvement with the principal cast.

The movie opens up with Eisenheim performing one of his nightly routines, and Norton is at his seductive best in this opening. His voice, his mannerisms, and his look drew me in and put me in one of those seats. I was astonished to watch what he did.

But the story only began there. It quickly segued back into Eisenheim’s childhood, and his adolescent romance with Sophie. According to Uhl’s account, Eisenheim was the son of a carpenter who barely made ends meet. Then one day the boy met a magician who showed him some magic tricks. Seized by what he had seen, the boy taught himself magic, created tricks, and learned from anyone who knew anything.

During that time, he met Sophie. The children played together, but Sophie’s parents found out and took her away, telling the boy he wasn’t good enough for her.

Now, in Vienna, Eisenheim and Sophie’s paths have crossed again, and they find that the love they had for each other has never wavered. I have to admit, I’m a sucker for a love story, and this one was so well done it just takes the breath way.

Part of what makes The Illusionist work so well is the period piece costumes and sets. Even the camera work, with its sepia tones and use of what looks like natural lighting, is beautiful. The movie made me feel I was back during those times, watching the story unfold.

Of course, for a love story like this to work properly, there has to be a villain. Rufus Sewell play Crown Prince Leopold, the man who desires Sophie’s hand in marriage. Leopold also has a reputation for abusing — and perhaps murdering — the women in his life.

To tell anything further would be a crime. The Illusionist is an elegant story that has fascinating twists and turns, an elegant sense of pacing, and a story that is timeless.

What a prick.

[SPOILER ALERT!!!]

That's David Chase's idea of what happens when you get your brains blown out: Nothing. (So much for Tony's "There's something beyond all this.") Tony has earlier looked into Uncle Junior's empty eyes and seen that our one shot at quasi-immortality — memory — ain't shit either.

Paulie was the double-dealer. Working with Little Carmine, probably.

Up until the end, the episode was comic, anticlimactic "life goes on." AJ was easily bought out of his military resolve.

Although we've roved around in an omniscient point of view, at the moment of Tony's death we're (arbitrarily, because David Chase is such a prick) solipsistically trapped in his point of view, so we'll never know what happened to the rest of his family. We can assume they were all blown away except Meadow (so much for "something has to happen to Meadow"), whose life was saved by her inability to parallel park. (Somehow it makes me feel just a little better about my own deficiencies in that regard.) But that would be just an assumption. The blank black screen is the ultimate Rorschach blot, and the ultimate "f*ck you for caring."

You can't even be 100% sure Tony got blown away. 99%, okay. 95%? But it's also possible Chase just pulled the plug. THE END. What happens next is everybody's guess.

Wonderful.

In other words — I loved it. (Okay, I'm a masochist.) The way it empowers and disempowers the viewer at the same moment? Like life, the bitch, to the end. And, when you think about it, the one and only way to make the series live on.

A deep bow to that f*cking prick.

I commented over at Althouse:

I started out assuming that was Tony's death. By the end of my own post, I was less and less sure.

I think it was the perversely perfect ending. Sort of like — for a totally absurd comparison — the way the pilot ends up drawing a sheep for the Little Prince: just a box with holes

This guy gets it:

The episode was brilliant, and here's why … From the moment that Tony sat down in the diner booth and "Don't Stop Believin" started playing, my heart was racing. It was pounding like crazy. The episode was almost over. The series was almost over. This was it.

Every person in the diner became a suspect. Every time the door opened, I was on the edge of my seat. I was thinking "when is it going to happen?" Is the guy at the counter going to kill him? Has Carlo given them enough to put Tony away and are the feds on the way? Who are those two shady guys that just walked in? Then I realized it. I had become Tony Soprano. … That paranoia, that tension, that suspense that I felt watching that scene, was the same paranoia that Tony lived with every day.

The Misfit disagrees. I LOVE this. "Build up your image as an artist, and if you then piss on your audience they'll thank God for the refreshing drizzle."

[The next morning] You know we're kidding ourselves, right? Tony's dead. That's Chase's idea of what it's like to get shot in the brain. A pretty good death, though it doesn't leave you much time for a "life review." Just as well in Tony's case, probably. Although he had his moments of self-reflection, and that's as much as someone like him (or anyone) can ask for. But I don't remember him using a one of them for remorse, and that's why there was justice and inevitability in his execution.

The show, and the viewer, too, were shot in the brain — put out of their misery. [After writing this I find that commenter Ed at Althouse said, "Tony doesn't get whacked. The audience gets whacked." Perfect!!] Of course, the .01% of doubt (isn't the banality of going on a worse sentence than death?) is sadistic genius. Leave room for wishful thinking, let the fools make fools of themselves thinking there's life after death or life after The Sopranos.

If Chase ended it this way because he's keeping the door open for a movie, I'd think a bit less of him artistically, but it would certainly be human: he always wanted to make movies, always hated television, which makes it supremely ironic that his imprisonment in television forced him to burst its bounds and make something you could never cram into a movie, no matter how many sequels, something Dickensian in form, if Shakespearean in girth and loft. (What I'm trying and failing to evoke with those words is the sense of exhilarating expansion, of lung-bursting spaciousness, you get from the greatest works the way you get it from being in the mountains.)

But then, a Sopranos movie would not have to follow the series in time. It could be set in one of the long lacunae of the series. It could even begin with Tony's rubout, and be a flashback, a life review, an alternate reality.

I hope not. Let the dead rest. I hope Chase gets to make his movie (he's earned it), and that it's about something entirely else.