Sam Lufti gave his deposition yesterday to Kevin Federline’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan. The line of questioning involved finding out if Britney brokered deals with X17 through Sam. It’s been speculated that Sam is on the X17 payroll and Britney was receiving payouts for photos of her day-to-day life including time with the children which violates her custody agreement. Photographer Alison Silva was quoted this week saying Britney calls the paparazzi in advance, according to E! Online:

"Britney is in on it. [She] calls the paparazzi before she goes out. We know 15 minutes before she leaves the house. It's all staged," Silva said.

To drive that point home here’s a staged photo of Britney pretending to use a pay phone last night. Conveniently left out are shots of her swallowing two quarters before chewing on the Yellow Pages. Numbers make Britney hungry! NOTE: Hey, guys, sorry the comments aren't weren't working today. We've got some people looking into it and should hopefully have this baby back to normal. I'm pretty sure I know what the problem is but Tech Support doesn't know how to troubleshoot "Criss Angel's douche magic."

This story got buried in the midst of the Heath Ledger craziness, but apparently mom-to-be Jamie Lynn Spears has a partying past. And she’s only 16. Friends say her mom caught Jamie Lynn drinking at age 14 and she’s a smoker, according to Life & Style:

And even after seeing her older sister shuttle in and out of rehab and have her children taken from her, Jamie Lynn's risky behavior didn't stop. "She's been known to smoke and drink," says a pal, though her rep says Jamie Lynn currently does neither. "She's starting to remind friends of Britney," adds the pal.

If Jamie Lynn starts speaking in an English accent, we’re past the point of no return, people. You might as well fit her for a pink wig and torn fishnets. I’ll notify Starbucks. My God, how do you tell someone there’s two Britneys? I’d rather tell someone their dog died and I was the driver. Of course, I’ll deny it in court. Although I’m the only guy in the neighborhood who drives a monster truck with Milk Bone wheels…

Jessica Simpson’s attorneys are going after OK! Magazine. The latest issue claims Tony Romo kicked Jessica to the curb after losing the playoffs. The article also says Ashlee Simpson is trying to distance herself from Jessica. Both of these claims are false, according to TMZ:

Simpson's lawyers have sent a letter to OK!'s Editor-in-Chief, Sarah Ivens, claiming OK!'s article is bogus, adding that Jess and Tony are still together and that Ashlee and Jessica remain close. The attorneys say the article reflects a "smear campaign" and has subjected Simpson to "public contempt, ridicule, aversion or disgrace."
The lawyers want OK! to "immediately publish a prominent and unambiguous" retraction.

I’m suing OK! Magazine too. I thought Jessica Simpson was single and mine for the taking. I even bought a bunch of Mexican Viagra and the always romantic box of wine. Of course, I kind of drank all the wine last night then took the Viagra. I’ve been knocking stuff off my co-workers’ desks all morning. Hey, Larry, you filing those papers? *swings around* Ha ha, not anymore! I should get a raise for this.

The masseuse who discovered Heath Ledger’s body called Mary-Kate Olsen instead of 911 using the speed dial on Heath’s cell phone, the AP reports:

A day before a Friday private viewing for the 28-year-old actor, police said the masseuse spent nine minutes repeatedly ringing "Full House" actress Mary-Kate Olsen before calling authorities for help.
The masseuse called Olsen a fourth time after paramedics arrived — at the same time as Olsen's security guards.

To be fair, I also call an Olsen twin in an emergency. Mostly on the off chance they’re hanging out with Dave “Uncle Joey” Coulier. Something about a gratuitous Popeye impression evens me right out. One time he even asked if I “got any wood.” I laughed and was like, “Oh, awesome, Mr. Woodchuck. Classic.” Then he awkwardly laughed and goes “Uh, yeah, right the, uh, woodchuck. Gotta go.” Comedy gold.

Sorry guys, we're experiencing some technical difficulties. Who knew that replacing your server with a pile of dirty laundry would be a bad idea? What are we, scientists?! We'll get this show going again once we sort everything out. Just how many times do you have to hit something with a hammer before it starts working again? C'mon now...