Season 2, Episode 1: Aired on June 11, 2007

Part 2 (Pt 1)

Welcome back! Let's get this bitch started.

Bill and Barb on the phone. He tells her that he hasn’t been liking how the neighbors (Pam and Carl) have been looking at them. So, he made dinner plans! Barb is as confused with this plan as we are. But Bill talks right over her concerns, telling her that he understands that she’s embarrassed and that she’s “been humbled.”

Barb gets this look on her face like, “Oh no he didn’t!” And, seriously. It’s not like she’s a polygamist all on her own and it’s not like it’s all her fault that they got exposed. “Humbled” my ass.

“Do I have a choice?” she asks him. “Of course,” he says, “but it would sure please me if you would just say, ‘On it!’” Oh, Bill, you ass. I hate it how he says one thing and then completely negates it with his next sentence. He does shit like that a lot and it makes it really hard for me to like him.

Barb says she doesn’t think she can do it, which should be the end of the conversation. But, because she’s talking to Bill, it’s not. He tries to manipulate her into doing it by complimenting her on how good she is with people. Barb finally puts her foot down and just says she can’t and hangs up.

Margie, who has been in the background doing chores this whole time, admits that she believes it was Pam and Carl who exposed them. Barb seems shocked.

Margie unsteadily gets through her confession, clearly upset and guilty and a whole mess of other things. “So, Pam knew that … Nicki was a polygamist. And I defended Nicki and that made her suspect me and then, I guess, you.” She pauses and looks like she’s about to burst into tears. “And … I think it’s all my fault.” Barb tells her that she’s sure that’s not true. Can I just say? Ginnifer totally kicked that scene’s ass.

Barb is swimming again. Much more intensely this time, though. In fact, she appears to be swimming as much as she can without coming up for air, which is slightly worrisome. Nicki watches her from the window and gets this look on her face. I don’t know what it means, but it creeped me out. It was kind of an evil look, y’all.

Juniper Creek. Adaleen, Roman’s wife and Nicki’s mother, is watching a news story about a fugitive polygamist, whose name is approximately Orline Abbott. He’s on America’s Most Wanted List for trafficking underage girls over state lines. Roman walks over and bitches about these “stupid, greedy perverts ruining it for the rest of us.” Well, there’s just nothing I can say about that.

Then we cut to a weird scene where there’s this crazy woman outside some assembly hall, screaming about how Roman is the one true Prophet and everything else is sin and crap. I … don’t even know what she’s talking about. Why is she even here? She needs to get off my screen before I start drinking. And it’s not even noon.

We see Joey, Wanda and Lois approaching, so this is apparently Wanda’s hearing. She’s clinging to Joey like a little kid and it’s pretty sad. Lois tells Crazy Lady to shut up. Heh. Lois kicks ass.

Inside, Wanda is standing in front of everyone and Roman is telling her to answer the questions on the questionnaire. Wanda says it was in the morning and she doesn’t recall what Alby was wearing. Why does it matter what he was wearing? Curious minds want to know.

Then, out of nowhere, “LIES!” Joey and Lois jump in their seats. Hee. Alby comes rolling in to the hearing, decked out with the latest trendy wheelchair. For a dead guy, he’s looking pretty good.

As he rolls down the aisle, he babbles about witnesses seeing his truck outside her cabin for 6 hours and then seeing her and Lois driving his truck. Oh noes. Then he gets all smug. “You didn’t know that, did you?”

You know, if Alby wasn’t so creepy, he’d be kinda hot. What? I’m just saying.

Wanda could not care less about Alby and his wheelchair and says she’ll just have to stand by what she’s already said. Alby then stands up and turns to the audience, asking who else was involved in the attempted murder of him. What’s really funny is that behind him, Wanda is all leaning to one side so that she can still get a good view of the Alby Show.

Sister Wife Central. Piano music plays, as Barb does her crossword and tells Nicki that dinner was delicious. Nicki has the decency to say that Margie helped. Barb looks over at her kids and it turns out that Ben is playing the piano. Did we know that he could play? I don’t think we did. Sarah is watching him and Teeny is singing “Hound Dog.” The girl has good taste. And hee.

Elsewhere in the room, Bill is educating his and Nicki’s sons, Wayne and Raymond, about Mormonism. He tries to engage Barb in conversation about visiting the Holy Lands, but she’s too distracted by the fact that she doesn’t think the school wants her to come back and teach.

Bill wants to know if they actually said that, but Barb flat out says she can’t go back there. That Julie woman was at the ceremony and everyone knows. Bill argues with her, which I’m not sure is the best course of action in this particular situation.

Ben chooses this opportunity to approach his mother with the news that he wants to join the Navy, but that he’d need a Congressional recommendation to attend the Naval Academy and like do you think that’d be a problem with you and Dad being big polygamists and everything? I have no idea what he’s smoking, but how could he not realize that this was NOT the time?

Barb brushes him off and goes on to list all the people that could have exposed them: Wendy, the neighbors, Nicki throws out Barb’s sister and Barb shoots back with Nicki’s father, Roman. Of course, no one pays particular attention to that suggestion, even though it makes the most sense. Bill says they’ll knock them down one by one, starting with Pam and Carl, and then he starts back in on the damn dinner. Barb cannot believe the assness of her own husband.

She storms out of the room as the phone rings. Margie answers and she and Nicki follow Bill and Barb.

Bill: This didn’t just happen to you, ok? It happened to all of us.
Barb: I know that!
Bill: And I am trying to make it better for all of us. The life we’ve chosen leads to eternity, but yes, there are consequences.
Barb: We’re not in eternity, Bill. We are here, in Sandy, Utah and I don’t think I can live this life in Sandy, Utah.
(pause)
Barb: You may be our priesthood holder, but I still have a say in what goes on in this house!
Bill: We are going to dinner at the Martins and that’s final.

He goes to get the phone and Barb looks positively scandalized. She barges past Margie and Nicki, who is trying to block her way, and goes upstairs.

That was a great scene, particularly for Jeanne. You can really feel how desperate she’s getting.

On the phone, Joey and Lois panic about Wanda and basically demand that Bill fix it. Lois goes as far as blaming Bill for the whole situation. You know, sometimes I forgive Bill for his assy behavior because he has to put up with this lot.

Bill’s going to send them an actual attorney and basically threaten Roman with the State coming in to Juniper Creek. Lois just doesn’t want to go to jail.

Barb sits in her car for a few moments before starting it up and presumably leaving.

Sister Wife Central. Bill, Marg, Nicki, Wayne and one of the other little boys (no, I don’t know which one) watch TV. The phone rings and Margie gets it. She walks slowly into the living room and hands Teeny, who is sitting on the floor, the phone. She sits down and looking straight ahead, like she’s scared something horrible is going to happen, whispers, “It’s Barb. She’s left.” She’s at Peg and Don’s and she’s not coming home. She needed some space. “From who?” Nicki asks, but by the way her and Margie both look at Bill, I think we know the answer.

Bill tells Teeny to give him the phone and Margie warns him in this hysterical, almost sing-song voice, “She doesn’t want to talk to you.” Nicki takes charge and just grabs the phone from Teeny, which was rude.

Barb: I cannot deal with him tonight, Nicki.
Nicki: Fine. But come back, stay at my house and we’ll just lock the doors and we won’t let him in.

HAH! Only, it’s kind of ruined when she looks at Bill and shakes her head all, “Not really, baby!”

Embry House. Don knocks and Barb turns to look at him. She’s clearly in one of the kids’ bedrooms and – Beaver! Oh, how I’ve missed me some Kyle Gallner. He says he needs his cleats and ducks into his closet to get them. Barb waves awkwardly.

Margie is now on the other phone. “But you’re gonna come back, right?” Margie asks. Nicki piles on with, “You can’t just walk out on this marriage just because you’re mad at Bill. You’re throwing Marg and me out with the bath water. How do you think that makes us feel? Awful! Irrelevant!”

Barb: Good grief, Nicki.

Hee.

Margie leans over and tells Wayne to ask Barb when she’s coming home. “When are you coming home, Mother Barbara?” Hahaha. I love it. But that kid creeps me out with his formalness. No one calls her Barbara. And the whole “mother” and “father” thing squicks me out, too.

Barb knows that was Margie’s doing and calls her on it. She just tells them that this is what she has to do and she hangs up.

Margie and Nicki look at Bill accusingly, but he doesn’t seem worried, telling them to let her have her space.

Now we’re back with the fugitive polygamist story on the news. The police got a tip that seemed credible, but yielded nothing. The family looks concerned.

The next morning, Nicki is making breakfast and no one is talking. Wayne is strangely just kind of hanging on Ben, whose hair, by the way, is substantially longer than last season. It only bothers me because only two weeks is supposed to have passed. They couldn’t have given Douglas Smith a haircut?

Sarah approaches the table and gives Bill a Look. Ben is staring at his dad, too. Wayne asks if there’s vanilla. Vanilla what? Extract? I… don’t know what he’s talking about. The point seems to be that everyone ignores him, including his damn parents, Bill and Nicki. Ben waits to see if any of the grownups are actually going to take care of their children before getting up to go look. I’m not sure what that scene was about. Besides making all three parents look pretty bad, especially Bill and Nicki, given that Margie is preoccupied with one of her own kids. It was just … weird.

Bill’s phone rings and in a nice touch, Sarah immediately looks at him, clearly hoping it’s her mother. It’s not. It’s Lee, the maybe-lawyer. He found a guy at the First Lady’s Office who is willing to ask around and meet with him.

Barb is at a college, registering for classes.

Margie is at the playground, watching her boys just kind of sit there, because they’re really too little to actually play. She has that weird calm thing going on, like when she got the red crayon on Bill’s white suit, then almost blew up her washing machine and then calmly smoked a cigarette and told her boys that they couldn’t live there anymore. I think I see another slow meltdown coming.

She calls Barb, who is still at the college but lies that she’s shopping. Margie tells her that she has a plan, which involves her going over to Pam and Carl’s and making up and finding out what they know. She would apologize for breaking up with Pam.

Barb: Apologize for what?
Margie: I don’t know … because I was wrong.
Barb: Wrong about what?
Margie: You know … I will figure that out.
Barb: Margie, this goes so much deeper and so much further back than just dinner with the neighbors.
Margie: I know! But will you be home tonight?
Barb: No.
Margie: Barb, I don’t know if I can be married to Nicki and Bill if I’m not married to you.

Awwwwww. I love Margene!

Barb just hangs up. Another excellent scene from the two strongest actors on the show, in my opinion. Margie is trying so hard to hold it together, but she desperately needs Barb to come home. Because seriously? Who would want to just be married to Nicki and Bill? Not me! And Barb feels guilty because she loves Margie, but she also needs to do what’s best for her. It’s a difficult situation all around and I applaud the show for making me sympathize with both sides.

Oh my god, we’re only halfway through this damn episode. Part 3 is on the way!

Miss Cordy is a senior at the University of Central Florida in Orlando. She is seeking a double-major in Political Science and Advertising / Public Relations. She has written for her local newspaper, focusing on the world of entertainment — movies and television. Her favorite movies are the Lord of the Rings series and her favorite TV shows are Heroes, Lost, The Amazing Race and Dancing with the Stars.

Growing up in Washington, D.C. in the early 1980s, I was able to witness an incredible moment in punk history first-hand. I fell in love with punk rock as a teenager and began photographing bands like Minor Threat, The Circle Jerks, UK Subs, and Stiff Little Fingers, to name just a few. –Director Susan Dynner

In the mid-nineties, I was in Tower Records Boston with former Bad Religion drummer Bobby Schayer. He pulled out a book about the history of punk and excitedly turned to a page that showed the crowd at a Black Flag gig. “That’s me in the crowd,” Bobby enthused. “I was about 15.” He insisted on buying me the book. I knew I wouldn’t read it though I realized I probably should.

The punk I like is The Clash, Buzzcocks, The Ramones, Green Day, The Offspring, Rancid, Social Distortion, and My Chemical Romance.

Punk, as we know it, celebrates its 30th anniversary, and this film provides the ideal showcase for it. Punk’s Not Dead blasts through the 30-year journey from underground to mainstream. Live concert footage from bands such as The Exploited, GBH, Minor Threat, The Addicts, Fugazi, and UK Subs are interwoven with interviews fomr legendary punkers like Derek O’Brien of Social Distortion, Black Flag’s Henry Rollins, Dead Kennedy’s Jello Biafra, UK Subs, Joe Escalante of The Vandals, The Subhumans, and Bad Religion, to second generation punk rock’s Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day and Dexter Holland of Offspring to the reactionary and defensive third generation punk bands like The God Awfuls, Good Charlotte, Sum 41, and My Chemical Romance. (Of these bands, Newsweek’s music critic Lorraine Ali nails it: “They’re pop and they have some punk trimmings.”).

I’m surprised it took as long as it did with punk. The music was so intense it delayed the inevitable mass embrace. I figured it was going to happen sooner or later because the music was too good. –Jello Biafra, Dead Kennedys

Punk’s Not Dead deftly asks and answers many questions about punk and its influence on our culture. It also leaves plenty to discuss and brood over. There’s the DIY spirit to the Vans Warped Tour. There’s the creation of indie punk labels like Epitaph and Dischord to major label deals for some. When Buzzcocks had hits with songs like “Love Song,” many called sell-out. Steve Diggle of the Buzzcocks said, “Love is still an important thing in the whole scheme of things. We were as political as The Clash and The Pistols in an existential way.”

If you decide ‘I’m the most punk guy in the world and I’m going to have nothing to do with corporate America,’ you’ll have to sit in your house and never go outside. –Jim Lindberg, Pennywise

Documentarian Susan Dynner addresses how punk started, the act or art (however one may interpret it) of “selling out,” and what really defines punk and makes a punk band. Clips from Quincy M.E. (“That music I heard was a killer.”) and a classic Donahue with a pierced, Mohawk-ed teen and his exasperated parent present the fear that punk provided. Then there’s the cool quotient as evidenced by The O.C’s Marissa Cooper spieling off names of bands she listens to (The Cramps, The Ramones) “because she’s angry and a Gilmore Girl explaining the educated punk rockers: “the guy from Bad Religion is getting his PhD in molecular biology from Cornell.”

Those who consider themselves punk have different interpretations. Often there’s even a competition among fans to be as “punk” and DIY (read: sometimes slumming it) as can possibly be. Some bands are that way too. Is it a look or an attitude?

Punk’s Not Dead is a provocative, electric film.

Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek are two of the most beautiful women on the screen today, and they serve up a double helping of South of the Border sex and sizzle in Bandidas. The story is definitely B-grade, but once expectations are properly dialed in, it’s a hoot watching Cruz and Hayek chew up the scenery as they play mismatched and hot-tempered Mexican women of the 1880s who are out for revenge.

Cruz stars as Maria Alvarez, the daughter of a dirt-poor farmer, while Hayek plays spoiled Sara Sandoval, the daughter of the region’s richest man. When they first meet, neither of them like each other. But when Maria’s father is gunned down and left for dead while their farm is taken from them and Sara’s father is murdered in cold blood, they gradually bond for revenge.

Country star Dwight Yoakam stars as the bad guy, Tyler Jackson, whose in charge of getting a railroad ran through the heart of Mexico by whatever means it takes. Sam Shepard plays Bill Buck, a former bank robber who teaches Maria and Sara to rob banks and forge a friendship. Steve Zahn stars as Quentin Cooke, a forerunner in forensic detection that gets caught up in Maria and Sara’s schemes. The film was produced and co-written by Luc Besson, who has headed up several action pictures such as The Professional, The Transporter, and Kiss of the Dragon.

Seeking revenge, Sara and Maria start robbing all the banks Tyler Jackson has taken over. Each of them bring skills to their efforts. Maria has a trick horse that she plays tic-tac-toe with and can talk to. The horse also tells other horses what to do. She’s also a great pistol shot. Sara, though she can simper over a manicure, is also a great planner and can be driven to see things through on a large scale.

Although this film isn’t going to change your life or address any social problems in a meaningful way (although there is a line in the movie that basically says the United States should keep their noses in their own affairs), Bandidas is easy on the eyes and fun to watch. The plot takes predictable turns, but that’s made up by the pacing. You see everything coming, but it happens so quickly that you’re already onto the next thing in record time.

The predictable cat-fighting that goes on between the two leads doesn’t get tiresome because it never takes itself seriously or overstays its welcome. Likewise with the kissing scene (although Steve Zahn must have loved the retakes) where they competed for Quentin Cooke’s attention.

Everything comes comfortably together within ninety minutes, and the movie is a romp that involves sexy clothing, girls fighting, some real fighting, feats of derring-do that involve riding horses up ladders, swinging across courtyards, and blowing up buildings. The dialog is brisk and fun.

Bandidas is a great buddy flick, and maybe even one for a light couples night because there’s enough comedy and action to satisfy everyone.

The Illusionist is a great film filled with enchantment, mystery, and real emotion. Edward Norton delivers a stunning portrayal of Eisenheim, a magician who has captured the attention of audiences throughout Europe with his masterful illusions and sleight-of-hand. Jessica Biel co-stars as Sophie, and Paul Giamatti is an absolute delight as Inspector Uhl.

The movie is narrated by Inspector Uhl throughout, and that device — so much like Sherlock Holmes’s Watson — is at once deceptively trustworthy and likable. Everything we see and hear is filtered through Uhl’s perceptions and own involvement with the principal cast.

The movie opens up with Eisenheim performing one of his nightly routines, and Norton is at his seductive best in this opening. His voice, his mannerisms, and his look drew me in and put me in one of those seats. I was astonished to watch what he did.

But the story only began there. It quickly segued back into Eisenheim’s childhood, and his adolescent romance with Sophie. According to Uhl’s account, Eisenheim was the son of a carpenter who barely made ends meet. Then one day the boy met a magician who showed him some magic tricks. Seized by what he had seen, the boy taught himself magic, created tricks, and learned from anyone who knew anything.

During that time, he met Sophie. The children played together, but Sophie’s parents found out and took her away, telling the boy he wasn’t good enough for her.

Now, in Vienna, Eisenheim and Sophie’s paths have crossed again, and they find that the love they had for each other has never wavered. I have to admit, I’m a sucker for a love story, and this one was so well done it just takes the breath way.

Part of what makes The Illusionist work so well is the period piece costumes and sets. Even the camera work, with its sepia tones and use of what looks like natural lighting, is beautiful. The movie made me feel I was back during those times, watching the story unfold.

Of course, for a love story like this to work properly, there has to be a villain. Rufus Sewell play Crown Prince Leopold, the man who desires Sophie’s hand in marriage. Leopold also has a reputation for abusing — and perhaps murdering — the women in his life.

To tell anything further would be a crime. The Illusionist is an elegant story that has fascinating twists and turns, an elegant sense of pacing, and a story that is timeless.