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Archive for the ‘Celebrity Gossip’ Category
Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
Cynthia Rodriguez decided a simple financially-crippling divorce wasn't enough to pay A-Rod back for spelunking Madonna's dusty tomb. So, last week Cynthia took off to Paris and dropped a hundred grand on his credit cards then started spreading rumors she was nailing Lenny Kravitz, according to NY Daily News:
"She's been spending wildly," the friend said. "She spent close to $100,000 on her jaunt to Paris."
Cynthia flew the godparents of her daughters, Dodd and Sabina Romero, and their older daughter, first-class to the City of Light, the friend said. There, Cynthia "had spa treatments, she went to the best restaurants," the A-Rod friend said. "She originally was going to head to Spain, where Lenny Kravitz was touring."
Somehow I don't think any of this fazed A-Rod. I mean, the guy had sex with Madonna which I'm pretty sure is legal grounds to declare him full-blown retarded. In the meantime, A-Rod probably makes $2 billion just by picking up a bat, so Cynthia's little spending spree was a drop in the bucket. On a related note, going by my current salary I'll eventually make $100,000 by the year 102,008. Bitchin'! I'm buying rocket boots.
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Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
Britney Spears is going on tour with Madonna. But in a safe, videotaped format where concertgoers will be sequestered from her cooch and therefore less likely to demand a refund. People reports:
"Britney is going to film something for Madonna's show in the next week or so," Madonna's rep, Liz Rosenberg, tells PEOPLE.
As for details about what they will be doing – and where it will be filmed – Rosenberg says, "I don't know. It's a secret."
Madonna! Britney! The concert! This summer! Videotapes...
MADGE & VADGE
Be there.
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Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
Yesterday, all the hub-bub was Jim Carrey walking around in Jenny McCarthy's bathing suit, and I didn't think twice about it. But then, using my superior skills at investigative journalism, I discovered that Jenny McCarthy herself also wore the bathing suit during the day's activities. (Checkmate, Chris Hansen!) One might say she's MILF-esque with a side of "I'd probably still hit that." I swear, it's reporting like this that should get my face on a plaque. I'm thinking "World's Best Internet Typer" or "Sexy Person Who Knows Words." Yeah, that one.
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Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
Sad news, folks. Drew Barrymore and Justin Long have broken up. Who? Exactly. Us Magazine reports:
Drew Barrymore and Justin Long have split, her rep tells Usmagazine.com exclusively.
"They are still friends," a source close to Barrymore tells Us.
Okay, let's be honest: no one outside of Justin Long's penis cares about this news. I'd have more fun chewing on a live power line then talk about these two. In fact, I haven't had breakfast yet, so if you'll excuse me... *KA-ZZZZZZZZZAP* Oh, yeah, I made the right choice. I mean, who needs body hair or the ability to see in color anyway? Not this guy!
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Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
 He may be a music superstar – but these days Usher is more interested in fatherhood than hit records.
The 29-year-old singer debuts his namesake 9-month-old son Usher Raymond V on the August cover of Essence magazine, and says that raising his son is a responsibility he takes very seriously.
“Now I represent what he is to become,” Usher says about his son. “He’s gonna admire me, he’s gonna look up to me. He’s gonna say, ‘I wanna be’ – or he should say – ‘I wanna be like my father. I wanna be a man of valor. I wanna possess what my father has as a man.’”
Though the singer’s relationship with his own father, Usher Raymond III, was troubled, he says, “I don’t judge my father because I forgave him for anything he’d ever done to hurt me unintentionally.”
However, Usher’s childhood has colored his views on fatherhood. “You should never abandon that responsibility, which is to be there, reading with your child, being supportive of your child’s growth,” he says when asked what advice he’d give to young parents.
Usher, who recently said that his 2007 marriage to Tameka Foster put him in a “great place”, adds that baby Usher Raymond V is an “extension of his union” with Foster.
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Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
Matthew McConaughey became the father of a baby boy last night after his girlfriend model Camila Alves gave birth. At the time of this post, no name was given yet for Tarzan Jr. who weighed in at 7 lb., 4 oz. but a statement was given to OK! Magazine by Matthew himself:
"A healthy baby boy was born," Matthew tells OK! in an exclusive statement. "Camila and I were side by side the entire time. We are both tired and elated, and are so happy to have created the greatest miracle in the world — Having a child and making a family. Now comes the greatest adventure — raising one, together."
He then added: "Also I totally downed a bunch of shrooms earlier, so this whole thing has tripped my shit. There was a baby coming out of a solar system that made me think I should buy a moped. But that's neither here nor there, broseph, because me and this tiny bald dude are going surfing then downing brewskis! HYEAAAAAAAH! GET SOME!" That child will dominate the world - at beer pong.
Congrats to Camila, Matt, and Future Naked Bongo Player.
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Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
 Matthew McConaughey and girlfriend of two years Camila Alves have welcomed a son Monday night, his rep Alan Nierob confirms. The baby – the first child for both – was born at 6:22 p.m. in Los Angeles, weighing in at 7 lbs., 4 oz.
“They’re so happy!” said a close pal.
In January, Matthew announced the couple were expecting on his website. “Camila and I made a baby together…,” he wrote at the time. “We are stoked and wowed.”
McConaughey’s oldest brother, Rooster, shared their elation. “Oh, it’s going to be fun!” he said. “He’ll make a really good dad because he’s got a lot of patience. I’m excited for him. It’s about time.”
Alves, a model and handbag designer, recently said she plans to take time off once the baby arrives. “More important than anything is that I have a peaceful life and a peaceful home,” she said.
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Monday, July 7th, 2008
Here's Kim Kardashian outside a nail salon yesterday in a candid shot that forces me not to question her existence for once. Also, scope out the freaking size of Kim's purse. Clearly, it's a protective shield for her ass. I bet she's got at least a sofa and love seat in there. Which makes me wonder: What's in the purse? Hi-OH! I'll be in the Catskills all weekend, folks. Stay for the veal.
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Monday, July 7th, 2008
Cashing in while the iron's hot, Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer's ex-girlfriend and sex tape co-star Ranae Shrider sat down for an interview with News of the World to openly discuss the couple's sex life. I will never, ever in my entire life write anything as funny as the unintentional hilarity that comes out of Ranae's mouth. This chick should do Vegas:
On sex in general with a midget:
"So I'd lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees! It wasn't quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn't wear a condom. There was no point, they're all too big. On the whole though, he wasn't short of sexy skills and tried his hardest to make up in technique what he lacked in size."
On their first time and the Mini-Me's magical rebound skills:
"I had no complaints. But the whole thing was over in three minutes. It was strange having sex with someone who couldn't reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over. But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing."
On why midget's prefer sex on dry land:
"I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub," she said. "Sadly I almost killed him. While Verne was watching TV I ran the bath, emptied a bottle of bubbles in it and called him in. But the bubbles were so thick and high that once he climbed in he got lost under the water and I couldn't see him."
Mini-Me almost drowns trying to do his girlfriend in a bubble bath. Jesus. *hangs up keyboard* Sorry, guys, you just can't follow something like that. I'll be simultaneously laughing/crying/inhaling White-Out in the supply closet until the next post. Hold my calls.
UPDATE: I'M A PTERODACTYL! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! P.S. We're out of White-Out.
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Monday, July 7th, 2008
Anyone remember R&B singer Mýa? Me neither. Which is why I posted her here in a bikini so you can remember Mýa all over again. But, this time, way more assier. It's Christmas* in July! God bless us, everyone.
*Or Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc. depending on your faith. In my case: Strippers and Eggnog Day. I'm Orthodox like that.
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