While doing the standard Valentine's Day fluff piece where celebrities are asked what their plans are, NY Daily News dug up Wu Tang Clan's Raekwon who showed he knows the true meaning of the holiday:
"It's a special day. It's a day to understand the person who means the most to you." So how to celebrate?
"I'm the type of dude who may be in a helicopter over the city having sex."
Now that's romantic. There's nothing quite like banging a hooker while the pilot struggles to keep everyone alive because your fat ass causes a perpetual loss in altitude. Just describing it makes me feel like I'm reading a Hallmark card as little cupids fly around my head. *sigh*
Jane Fonda said "cunt" this morning on The Today Show. The show was celebrating the 10th anniversary of The Vagina Monologues. Jane cracked a joke by saying she'd never seen the show because she was in Georgia performing in "Cunt." This video is uncensored and forgoes subtlety to make sure you catch the bomb Jane Fonda drops on network television. It would be the most hilariously awesome video I've seen today if our sister site I Watch Stuff didn't just post the new Indiana Jones teaser. I'm now running around the office whipping my belt at everything in sight. Unfortunately, it was also holding up my pants, so a big apology to my co-workers who had to see my exposed "Temple of Doom." Trust me, it looks bigger in the dark. Also squinting helps.
Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib secretly married in Mexico on January 9, according to the latest issue of Star Magazine:
A source tells Star, "When Britney got out of the hospital the first time, Adnan talked her into going to Mexico to get married, saying that was the only way he could protect her." But Brit's paparazzo boytoy forgot to mention that he was still married to second wife AzLynn Berry! Oops!
Adnan is working hard to set things right with Britney who is apparently fronting the money for Adnan to finalize his divorce:
"In all my years," said an insider, "I've never seen as big a dirtbag as this guy. I can't believe how he has taken advantage of this woman when she is in such a fragile state."
Now that's a true love story. Guy and girl run off to get married in Mexico. Guy turns out to still be married. Girl foots the legal bills because she has the mental capacity of a sea turtle. It just pulls on your heart strings. I hope these two lovebirds make it in this crazy world. Then honeymoon inside a live volcano.
Paris Hilton could teach Natalie Portman a thing or two about launching a shoe line. While Paris actually pressed the flesh and possibly infected a small child, Natalie Portman decided to play diva at her own shoe launch by showing up 45 minutes late, according to Page Six:
She gave 15 minutes of interviews before going back into hiding. Guests waited impatiently while sipping on Casa Lapostolle wines, which Portman chose because they are organic and biodynamic to go along with her vegan shoe line. The actress returned, reports a spy, "However, she showed up with only five minutes remaining before the party ended."
Vegan shoe line? Are they made of tofu? Please. I don't need hippie/diva Natalie Portman telling me what kind of shoes to wear. If I want to tie a pork chop to each of my feet, that's my right to look rugged and awesome. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the butcher shop for some mutton loafers. I've got a hot date tonight and I want to look fancy as hell, son.
Sam Lutfi is still considering himself Britney Spears' manager and called Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's old publicist from his movie days. Sam wants the Governator to step in and make Britney's legal woes go Hasta la vista, baby. I can't believe I wrote that last sentence. NY Daily News reports:
"Britney says her civil rights have been violated and she wants to talk to Arnold about it," says a source with firsthand knowledge of the conversation.
"She wants the governor to look into why she can't get an attorney," according to my mole. "Sam was chewing on his dinner while he was saying all this into the phone."
No, no, my friend. Sam Lutfi wasn't chewing on his supper. He was chewing on the bones of his enemies - who may or may not have been a Hungry Man dinner.
Brad Renfro’s girlfriend told a 911 operator that she thought the 25-year-old actor “might have taken a couple pills,” according to a recording of the call released Wednesday.
The woman, who found his body on Jan. 15, tells the operator: “We’re not sure if he’s breathing or not. His nose is bleeding. … We can’t tell if he’s breathing.”
The Los Angeles County Coroner’s office announced Friday that Renfro, who starred in The Client, had died of an accidental heroin overdose.
In the 911 call, when asked by the operator what happened, Renfro’s girlfriend responds, “I’m not sure. I mean, I think he might have taken a couple of pills last night. … He had an audition at 1 o’clock this afternoon. I’ve been trying to wake him up to get ready, and he just won’t move.”
Miley Cyrus and father Billy Ray Cyrus are admitting they goofed.
“We got caught up in the moment of filming, and we made a mistake and forgot to buckle our seatbelts,” Billy Ray Cyrus says about a gaffe in the hit 3-D movie Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour – one that’s caused a head-on collision with controversy.
“Seatbelt safety is extremely important,” he adds.
Editors at Consumer Reports took issue with a scene in the film in which Miley and her dad are “riding in the back seat of a Range Rover on the way to rehearsal for the concert tour. Neither was wearing a seat belt,” said a posting on the magazine’s blog.
“Why should we care?” the posting continued. “Because, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, in about 55 percent of passenger vehicle fatalities in 2006 (the latest data available), the occupants were not wearing seat belts. Even worse, in the 13- to 15-year-old age group, that percentage climbs to 65 percent.”
Observed Consumer Reports: “It seems to us that Miley, her father, and Disney had a perfect opportunity to help influence teens and counteract – rather than encourage – this trend. Then again, as Hannah herself sings, ‘Everybody makes mistakes.’ ”
Max is ready for his close-up: PEOPLE has your first exclusive look at Christina Aguilera and her baby Max, born Jan. 12 in L.A. Go inside their home as the 27-year-old pop star and husband Jordan Bratman, 30, speak out about parenthood and pose for an exclusive family photo album (all in the new issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday). Says Aguilera of little Max: “He’s completely changed my life.”
Somehow Heidi Montag's video "Higher" reached No. 7 on the iTunes Top 100. It's official. The terrorists have won. In the meantime, Heidi had initially said she was thrilled people commented on the video but in reality she drowned her fake breasts in tears. Us Magazine reports:
"I just started sobbing uncontrollably," The Hills star tells Us.
"I cried myself to sleep that first night after my video came out," she says. "I just couldn't understand why people I didn't even know felt the need to be so cruel and hurtful toward me."
"I am just a 21-year-old from a small town in Colorado trying to follow her dreams," Montag says.
Heidi also revealed the technical prowess employed by the video's director Spencer Pratt:
"We were at the beach and, literally, Spencer had his camera and a boom box in the trunk," Montag recalls of the amateur shoot in October. "We did it in one take, maybe two, and it took us 20 minutes to film and cost us zero dollars."
A boom box was involved? Whoa! That changes everything. Here I thought some ass-clown just videotaped his tone-deaf girlfriend rolling around the beach in a bikini. But all this time advanced boom box technology was being used. Spencer Pratt, I underestimated you. Please show up to my house to receive my well-earned respect.*
*Respect subject to change and may be substituted for a brick in the face. Brick subject to be on fire.
Parody video after the jump. Heidi and Spencer's lawyers pulled the real one last week.
Gary Coleman secretly wed a woman 18 years younger than him. The 40-year-old cowboy(?) married 22-year-old Shannon Price of Utah. Gary finally lost his virginity and claims to have found the woman with the right amount of looks and intelligence. Now he has someone to throw things at. Awww. Page Six reports:
Price said height wasn't a consideration because, "He was 10 feet tall to me because he was sweet." Still, the relationship isn't without its problems. "He lets his anger conquer him sometimes," Price admitted. "He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction."
I don't see what the big problem is. Gary Coleman likes to throw shit. Sheesh, wear kneepads. Or do that move where you put your hand on his head and he frantically bats at the air. That's the cornerstone to a good marriage. Or midget wrangling. Same thing. Now where's my little Oompa Loompa bride? Hey, get out of the cookie jar! You know I hate footprints on my Chips Ahoy, woman.
While doing the standard Valentine's Day fluff piece where celebrities are asked what their plans are, NY Daily News dug up Wu Tang Clan's Raekwon who showed he knows the true meaning of the holiday:
Brad Renfro’s girlfriend told a 911 operator that she thought the 25-year-old actor “might have taken a couple pills,” according to a recording of the call released Wednesday.
Miley Cyrus and father Billy Ray Cyrus are admitting they goofed.
Max is ready for his close-up: 
