State hospital regulators are placing the blame directly on Cedars-Sinai hospital for the overdose of Heparin that put Dennis Quaid’s infant twins in jeopardy. It has yet to be decided whether the hospital will face fines, but I guarantee a lawsuit is coming once the Quaids finish suing the makers of Herparin. The LA Times reports:

"This violation involved multiple failures by the facility to adhere to established policies and procedures for safe medication use," the state wrote. "These violations caused, or were likely to cause, serious injury or death to the patients who received the wrong medication."

Don’t worry, Cedars-Sinai. You’ve accepted responsibility for your actions and are making changes. This will all blow over. It’s not like you provided ammunition for further malpractice suits by publicly dropping the ball again and violating ethical guidelines by allowing a TV psychiatrist to exploit a situation involving a celebrity mental patient. Whoa. Those are by far the biggest words I’ve ever used in one sentence. Quick, get my camera.

A shockingly blonde Amy Winehouse was spotted in London today. Apparently she woke up this morning and decided to demonstrate what Britney Spears would look like with a real drug problem: “I’ll show them Yanks a thing or two,” she said. “Alright then, time for me breakfast: cocaine on toast. Hold the toast. Scrumdiddlyumptious! Now off to change me knickers in the car then to the market. I want to rest my peepers on them magazines before lunch at Mr. Doherty’s. He’s serving crack on a spoon; my bloody favorite!”

Britney Spears’ parents, particularly her father Jamie, have been trying to get Britney into a mental hospital for months. Her dad suspected last summer her problems were mental and not substance abuse. Britney refused back then to get tested for bipolar disorder and is still refusing, according to TMZ:

We're told both Jamie and Lynne Spears believe Sam Lutfi, the guy who was inseparable from Brit until last week, was a prime reason she was refusing treatment. They are so mad at Lutfi they threw him out of Cedars last week.

What does Sam Lufti have to gain by Britney not being in her right mind? Besides her money and vagina. That just doesn’t make sense. There’s got to be another motive… Does she have a Playstation 3 or something? No… Wait! It’s dirt bikes, isn’t it? Yeah, it is. I knew it. Damn, I should be a detective. Hey, there’s Sam Lufti. Why is he carrying around gold bars and a box of condoms? Those don’t fit on a dirt bike.

Tara Reid insists she doesn’t have an eating disorder or a drinking problem. In fact, Tara would much rather stay in and, knowing her, probably read the Bible to orphans. Here’s what she said to OK!: On her weight: “I’m not too thin. I go up 10 pounds, I go down 10 pounds. I was thin for a movie that I just finished [the upcoming horror film Vipers]. Now they’re going to see me and say I’m too fat because I’ve gained 10 pounds... I can’t win!" On supposedly partying every night: "I don’t like going out every single night. I like to hang with friends and eat and sit next to a fire — that to me is the best night." On people calling her an alcoholic: "If I have a drink in my hand, it doesn’t make me an alcoholic. If I want a glass of wine, I want a glass of wine. I shouldn’t be afraid of it because of what the media might say. Anything you do, you’re screwed. That’s the lesson I’ve learned." I just noticed Tara Reid is not only full of shit but has an unusually long neck. Must be a side effect from all that anorexia. Or the debilitating alcoholism. I can’t decide. Then again it could be the whoring. Can’t forget the whoring.

Britney Spears’ former paparazzi lover Adnan Ghalib is definitely shopping around nude photos of Britney despite his claims that he's not. However, Adnan’s having trouble unloading them for his initial asking price of $1 million. An Australia magazine paid only $57 grand for the pics. TMZ reports:

TMZ has confirmed that the semi-nude pics of Brit Brit have been shopped around to various weeklies. One source says a major U.S. weekly was pitched the photos this week but passed.

TMZ says another mag also passed because the photos “weren’t any good.” I feel sorry for the poor photo editor that had to see these pics. He’s probably drunk at home watching a documentary on child birth and going “Ah, much better.”

Will Smith handed out gifts to crew members after filming ended for his new movie Hancock. While it’s common practice for big stars to hand out “wrap presents,” Will Smith’s generous trinket has undoubtedly left him in danger of getting a boom mic shoved up his ass. NY Daily News reports:

His recent gift after wrapping next summer's comedy "Hancock" was a card good for a personality test at your local Scientology center.
Never mind that such tests are given free by the church anyway. The quiz is designed to convert people to the religion by identifying personality flaws that - surprise! - Scientology can fix right up for you.

Apparently there’s one flaw Scientology can’t fix: Being a cheap bastard. Damn, Will Smith, a personality test? That’s low. I can take one of those online for free anytime I want. In fact, I took a test the other day that told me which Star Wars character I resemble. After several hours of changing my answers, the results finally said I’m Darth Vader. Yeah, let’s see Scientology say I’m an awesome space dude. I don’t think so.

Britney Spears’ parents Lynne and Jamie Spears are furious with Dr. Phil. Apparently Dr. Phil first contacted them about doing a show with Britney. When they said “no,” he initiated contact with her anyway then rode the press wave causing the Spears to feel “betrayed.” TMZ reports:

Spears family rep Lou Taylor told Meredith Vieira on the "Today" show that Dr. Phil actually broached the subject of doing a show about Britney, but that they nixed the idea, only to have Phil try to set up the show anyway. Taylor scorched Phil, saying it was even "inappropriate" for Phil to bring up doing a show, and that the family thought it would be detrimental to Britney.

The real reason Britney’s parents are pissed is because they thought Oprah was coming. Instead they got Dr. Phil. That’s incredibly weak. Nobody wants to be on Dr. Phil instead of Oprah – including Dr. Phil. He shows up for work in the morning and goes, “Dammit! I’m on my show again. I bet Oprah’s handing out pirate ships today too. Man…”

Britney Spears meltdown last Thursday was started because Britney felt the deposition she attended that day stripped her of time with her kids. She demanded “make-up time” which Kevin and his lawyer declined. She locked herself in the bedroom with Jayden which led to a police standoff. However, TMZ has the details of her deposition that show Britney wasn’t robbed of time:

First, the reason her depo was set for last Thursday was because she failed to show the day before. Second, Thursday's depo was supposed to begin at 9:45 AM and go until 11:45 AM. She didn't show until 11:32, so the depo lasted less than 15 minutes. We've learned she only had visitation rights that day between noon and 7 PM. The depo ended at 11:45 and her house was only 15 minutes away. So she really didn't lose any time with the kids.

Well, it’s comforting to know that Britney Spears does really care about her kids and will go toe-to-toe with the police to spend time with them. Sure, maybe one of them was technically held hostage, but it’s the thought that counts. Hopefully they put this special moment in Jayden’s baby book. You know, next to all the ketchup packets.