Paris Hilton is having a really shitty week. She aged another year. Her brother got a DUI. And now the Los Angeles Department of Animal Services wants to take her dogs. TMZ reports:

Captain Bowers tells TMZ his department received a complaint from an animal rescue group, after Paris' appearance on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" on Monday. On the show, Paris talked about having 17 dogs -- a huge no-no in the city of Los Angeles. A non-breeder is only allowed three dogs per address -- though in Hollywood, Paris is considered a notorious breeder!

Oh yeah, I also forgot her new movie The Hottie and the Nottie tanked beyond belief at the box office and is now getting beat to hell on IMDB, according to Us Magazine:

The Hottie and the Nottie – with 2,190 low-star votes – now rests at the bottom of the IMDb user charts, even below the American Idol movie, From Justin to Kelly: With Love and Daddy Day Camp.

Wow, below From Justin to Kelly? Jesus. I almost feel bad for Paris Hilton. If I weren't filled with a neverending desire to see her spontaneously combust. Preferably within the vicinity of Britney Spears. Whose driving a truck full of dynamite - and really pissed off bees.

Yes, that is Rumer Willis!

Our favorite celebuspawn is in the new issue of Elle magazine.

Why???????????

George Clooney, Robert De Niro, Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep are their star power to hopefully avoid another Hollywood strike this summer!

The A-listers took out full page ads in trade pub Variety urging the Screen Actors Guild to start talks with the media giants for a new labor contract ASAP.

They mean business!

They're right, though. Averting another strike is in the best interest of everyone.

In addition to saving thousands of jobs and money, it will minimize the amount of reality on TV!

Britney Spears' father and attorney Andrew Wallet will continue their conservatorship over Britney until March 10. Yesterday's hearing also placed Britney's brother Ryan into the ongoing legal clusterfuck. People reports:

Britney's father and Wallet were also granted the power to handle the singer's taxes, and Britney's brother Bryan, 30, was named as a trustee of her trust. According to court papers, trust funds are used "to pay for Britney's continued security, and to pay for her medicine, food, other day-to-day expenses and for psychiatric and other medical services."

Sam Lutfi is still hiding and has yet to be served the now two-week old restraining order. He's rumored to be behind a New York lawyer's attempt to make Britney's legal troubles a federal case, according to an insider for OK! Magazine:

"He's upset because he can't see Britney and have her pay him money," explains the insider. "If Sam gets paid, then he can pay the lawyer and Sands. It's all ludicrous."
As for whether there is any merit to this motion, the insider tells OK!, "I'd be willing to bet that aside from Sam and Sands grandstanding on the courthouse steps, this is the last we hear about it."

I think the federal government has more dire and pressing issues on their plate than worrying about Britney Spears. I'm talking about matters of grave national security. Like determining exactly what Roger Clemens injected into his ass. Okay, in hindsight, these dudes have time on their hands. Let's get America's braless sweetheart in front of Congress and pray those old bastards don't have a heart attack. Most of them haven't seen a nipple since World War II. And it was Bob Hope's.

"I didn't want any surprises. Honestly, I didn't want any [vaginal] tearing. I had heard horror stories of women going in and having to have an emergency C-section [anyway]. The hardest part was deciding on his birthday. I wanted to leave it up to fate, but at the same time I was ready to be done early!"

- Christina Aguilera, on giving birth to baby Max

PerezHilton.com is giving away tickets to Kanye West's upcoming mega tour, featuring Rihanna, N.E.R.D. and Lupe Fiasco.

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