With Tara Reid in rehab, someone has to become Hollywood's once-aspiring actress who can't keep her face out of the drink. Enter Kirsten Dunst. Here she is drunkenly leaving Bardot last night with her male companion The Cosby Sweater Bandit. Seeing Kirsten like this has made me exponentially more interested in the upcoming production of Spider-man 4. Spider-Man 4: Scene 26 Take 1 TOBEY: I'm here to rescue you, MJ! KIRSTEN: MJ? Shit, you holdin'? SAM RAIMI: CUT! Spider-Man 4: Scene 26 Take 3 TOBEY: I'm here to res - JESUS! KIRSTEN: What? No full-frontal? I'll be in my trailer. TOBEY: That's a Port-a-John KIRSTEN: Jealous? Spider-Man 4: Scene 26 Take 5 TOBEY: I'm here to rescue you, MJ! KIRSTEN: *pees on Dr. Octupus* Spider-Man 4: Scene 26 Take 8 TOBEY: I'm here to rescue you, MJ! KIRSTEN: Remember during the first movie when we dated? Well, I never told you this, but you got me pregnant. I kept the child, and she's secretly lived with me to this day. Crying herself to sleep every night asking "Where's daddy?" TOBEY: Oh my God... KIRSTEN: Ha! PSYCHE! I had an abortion.

So, remember when Paris Hilton's house was broken into while she was at Christina Aguilera's birthday party? Two fun facts about that: 1. TMZ reports Paris left the front door unlocked while relying solely on her chihuahua for security. And 2. Surprise! She wasn't even invited to Christina's party in the first place, according to Page Six:

Hilton and Flickinger were at LA restaurant Saam Thursday night in the private dining area when Christina Aguilera, who was celebrating her 28th birthday, walked in. "Christina was with hubby Jordan Bratman, Nicole Richie and Joel and Benji Madden," our spy said. "Paris wasn't invited and left shortly before they arrived so she wouldn't have to see Benji or be asked to leave the private area for Christina."

Didn't Paris just say something about having great karma? Then again, when your vagina technically qualifies as a landfill, I guess getting robbed and becoming a social pariah still warrants a smiley face in your diary for the day: "<3 At least nobody died from my genitals! Yay!! :D"

Another shot of R-Patz and his new 'do!

Robert Pattinson shows off his sexy, short cut as he jams his car with some large packing boxes.

Making a move???

Come on over!

[Image via Finalpixx.]

Click here to see photos of Wino hitting up the beach topless in the Caribbean this past week.

She's actually got a really nice rack and is looking sorta, maybe healthy!

YESsica "Si Soy Latina!" Alba eloped with her now husband, Cashole Warren, earlier this year in a quickie wedding at an L.A. courthouse.

Now, along with their new daughter, Honor, the couple held a real wedding reception at their house over the weekend.

Family and friends were invited.

Little Honor wore a matching dress to her mami.

And YESsica even had a mariachi band perform.

Que cute!

[Photo via Getty Images.]

THIS VIDEO rules!

We have really bad news to report, y'all.

Collagen lips herself, Lisa Rinna, is posing for Playboy.

Barf!

They don't even pay that much anymore - so she must really be desperate.

Poor thing!

[Image via WENN.]