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December 21st, 2008

Times are tough, especially for our favorite British trainwrecks!
First, Jade Goody, whom is going through cancer treatment right now (sucky!), is losing her Bentley.
And, now, a similar fate befalls the even hotter mess known as Kerry Katona.
The former Atomic Kitten's car has been repossessed.
Sure, she drives a Porsche. Yes, it costs almost $150,000.
But she's merely steps away from the crack house. And we don't want that to happen, now do we????
[Image via WENN.]
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December 20th, 2008
Mind of Mencia: Uncensored Season 4 is the latest DVD release from comedian Carlos Mencia.
Mind of Mencia is one of the biggest hits on Comedy Central. The show centers on comedian Carlos Mencia, who bills himself as an “equal opportunity offender,” and what comes out of his mouth is disgusting, racist, sexist, rude, anti-everything you can think of, and as far from politically correct as you can be. His show is very funny…



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December 20th, 2008
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December 20th, 2008

You'd think bikini pictures of Alicia Keys would be all kinds of crazy hot with maybe some sexy piano-playing thrown in for good measure. Turns out you, and most importantly me, would be horribly mistaken. Here's Alicia at a hotel pool in Australia just chowing down, checking her Blackberry and generally being the exact opposite of erotic. I mean, would it kill her to do some sort of seductive musical number. Christ, there's even a fork and some water glasses right next to her. Regale me, dammit!

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December 20th, 2008

Kevin Federline took his Britney-replacement beach volleyball player Victoria Prince to Tao in Vegas last night, and if that's not the face of a man who just impregnated a woman, I don't know what is. (Read: I'm sterile. Ladies?)
NOTE: Also included Suge Knight scoping out K-Fed's ass, and loving what he sees, because sometimes it's important to remember we live in an insanely random universe - that I'm probably getting shot in. Whee.

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December 20th, 2008
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December 20th, 2008

Well, it's official: Marley & Me is a steaming pile of FAIL sauce ala suck. For the second night in a row, Jennifer Aniston has allowed herself to be photographed in public with John Mayer. Clearly, she's basking in the final minutes of her fame because after this movie hits, these two could have an orgy in Central Park with The Rockettes, and nobody would bat an eye. Unless you count me on the sidelines yelling "Let's see some more kicking, ladies!" while trying to pretend John Mayer is an ill-placed fleshy park bench. I'm particular about my holiday cheer.

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December 20th, 2008
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December 20th, 2008

Lisa Rinna, in an obvious effort to make my nightmares come to life, is posing nude for Playboy again, according to E! Online:
The TV Guide Network correspondent and former Dancing With the Stars contestant has more or less confirmed rumors—well, she's certainly not doing anything to squelch them—that she's planning to pose nude for Playboy.
"I'm the worst liar on the planet, I can't lie, so...I think that could be a yes," she told Extra recently when asked about the possibility.
Did anyone ask for this? No, Jesus, of course not. I'm pretty sure the editors of Playboy are just throwing darts at a list of random TV stars from the 90s. Which means we should start preparing ourselves as a society for a Delta Burke centerfold. Think 9/11, but it's in your eye.
Photos: WENN

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December 20th, 2008
Combining Western-style car chases and Hong Kong-inspired fight sequences choreographed by martial arts legend Cory Yuen, the Luc Besson-created TRANSPORTER films have found international success as a sort of working-class James Bond series. Jason Statham, who has become the go-to guy for big-budget B-movie thrills, returns once again as Frank Martin, the driver-for-hire for whom no job is too risky. Brimming with the usual jaw-dropping stunts, this is another crowd-pleasing entry in the saga, delivered at a brisk and flashy clip by director Olivier Megaton. Following the coercion of Ukrainian environmental official Leonid Vasilev (Jeroen Krabbe) into signing papers permitting the shipping of toxic materials into a harbor by criminal mastermind Johnson (Robert Knepper), Frank Martin is forced into accepting the job of driving Vasilev\'s kidnapped daughter, Valentina (Natalya Rudakova)--acting as human collateral--from Marseilles to the Black Sea coastal city of Odessa. On the chance the Martin should attempt to flee, Johnson has rigged him with a bracelet that will detonate if he strays more than 75 feet from his car. When Valentina is intercepted by a rival group, Martin will have to push his Audi M8 to the limit to complete his mission and ensure his own survival. <br><br>The TRANSPORTER films require copious amounts of suspension of disbelief, but then again, one doesn\'t hope they will strictly adhere to the laws of physics. The third volume provides ample thrills, not the least of which is the sight of a car driving off a bridge onto a moving train. Plenty of screen time is also given to Statham\'s superhumanly chiseled torso, while freckled Rudakova\'s unconventional beauty balances out the sex appeal. In the end, Statham\'s undeniable likeability propels the film, and his chemistry in a handful of scenes with François Berleand, returning as Inspector Tarconi, provides some nice comic moments.
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